Help! My life sucks!

Hi, I am 38 years old, I still live with my mom, and I have never had a job or a girl friend(or any physical interaction with a girl at all). I am short, fat, and semi-bald. I am freaking cursed by having all the characteristics of a loser. I jack off 5-7 times a day and the rest of the day I spend playing runecape. My mother has been getting sick a lot lately and says that I need to learn how to live on my own. Bullshit, I have no idea how to take care of myself! I can't cook, I don't have a liscence, or a job, nor do I know how to do laundry. Shit I don't even know how to order a pizza. Mother has done these things for me all these years and now expects me to know how to do it. What the hell am I going to do when she dies?! This fusking sucks ass! What the hell am I supposed to do with my life? Sorry for the bad language but I am really pissed off right now! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

But I don't know how!

 

Self immolate.

http://www.answers.com/topic/immolation-2

 

lead poisoning of the brain is a option . just pull the hammer back a pull the trigger . no help needed

 

I guess your member name is incorrect as well based on what you have stated so far?!?!?

 

Find yourself a sugermamma or sugerdaddy lol

 

Oh so y'all think this is funny??? Well guess what... I FREAKING DON'T! I am in the midst of a crisis right here!
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My mother pays for everything so how the hell am I going to support myself when she's gone? [bold]DAMMIT![/bold]

 

first thing id be doin is goin to a pro to get that hand action taken care of, then move out, you moms probably not even sick, just wants you to stop scummin off her

 

Turn of the computer. Get your hand of your device.
cooking- dumpster dive @ your local dinner
licence- have mommy buy you a bike or use your thumb
job -home depot they hire anybody
laundry - beat your clothes on a rock down at the stream
pizza order - walk to the pizza shop (this may help with your fat comment)
what the hell am i supposed to do with my life ? first get one
hope this helps.

 

OK. I guess I could try some of that stuff. but where am I going to live?

 

did you go to college or anything? if she's been paying for all your shit for years, you can milk a cheapass car out of her. learn to drive...quick. exercise and read through some cookbooks and *gulp* self-help books. the time to do some quick learning is now. you still have time to become a carpenter

@ Neph: or he could convince her to not let him laze around and get away with doing nothing for 38 years. she sounds like she never did the one thing a mother is supposed to do: teach her offspring to function independently of her.

 

county lockup is always an option 3 meals and a cott.
Hell you can wack off as much as you want.you might even get some help in doing this or help others.

 

jesus christ, im 23, moved out when i was 17, own my own car/house, steady job on good pay, been with my missus for 3 years. Your a great case for natural selection, play on a free way somewhere.

Why dont you join the armed forces (get you out of home, job, see the world, pay, housing, you might even get a root, and you will never have to make a decision in your life, just take orders all day which sounds like something even you could do)

 

no military in the world will take a 38-year-old fresh recruit.

 

maybe the navy
ever hear the saying its your day in the barrel
new sailor on the ship asks the captian being at sea for months on end how do you control your sexual needs . captain says you see that barrel over there ,six days out of the week just go over to it stick your pecker in and you will be taken care of .
sailor asks what about the seventh day . captian says thats your day in the barrel