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jokes in a speech

This discussion thread has 19 messages.

#1
hi i was wondering if anybody knows any good jokes that could be thrown into school captain speech?
its just to lighten the mood and make me stand out more but at the same time i dont want to look like a tryhard.

any ideas would be appreciated

p.s. i know a joke thread already exists but i couldnt find any that relate specifically to this topic.

help the monkeys are attacking me! dont worry, i fed the monkeys a banana, so now their off fighting a cat. i like the snow but the rain burns my skin. i can build a fort but thefhsfhkfnkjdsfikdgkjnbgjk...
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#2
really depends on the subject matter. what's the speech about?


#3
pretty much just convincing people why they should vote for me, eg:

-how i can improve the school (such as working closely with src and amnesty international to see that proceeds from carnivals etc and extra circular activities go towards the students best interests)
-what qualities i have that stand out above the rest
-That i am quite approachable


i just want jokes to make the audience pay attention to what iam saying and let them remember me in a positive light when they go to vote

also any funny quotes that relate to leadership that i can weave into this speech will help me. i have quotes, but none that are funny.

help the monkeys are attacking me! dont worry, i fed the monkeys a banana, so now their off fighting a cat. i like the snow but the rain burns my skin. i can build a fort but thefhsfhkfnkjdsfikdgkjnbgjk...
#4
when you're talking a target or a goal, you could use the line "...stuck it like a lawn dart." that always gets laughs.

just think of funny crap that has happened in your life and relate them to your qualities.


#5
stuck it like a lawn dart?

haha thats good, but is that just one of those random things you say with no meaning or does it have a meaning? and what is a lawn dart?

yeah i know what you mean about just getting random stuff from our lives, and i have got three (one of which i will no doubt be useing) but the other two didn't strike me as being overly funny and could do me damage if they back fire. Hence the reason iam asking you guys, then if i read something and laugh subconsciously, then i know its good to use.
i always doubt my own material in large crowds :|

thanks auslander :)

help the monkeys are attacking me! dont worry, i fed the monkeys a banana, so now their off fighting a cat. i like the snow but the rain burns my skin. i can build a fort but thefhsfhkfnkjdsfikdgkjnbgjk...
#6
google lawn darts. they were awesome. :-)

post you speech as it is thus far. i'll do some creative editing.


#7
i sent it in a private message because this thread can be found by a google search and if by chance it was found and used by someone who is running against me, it could be devastating.

and thank-you, your awesome as auslander :D

help the monkeys are attacking me! dont worry, i fed the monkeys a banana, so now their off fighting a cat. i like the snow but the rain burns my skin. i can build a fort but thefhsfhkfnkjdsfikdgkjnbgjk...
#8
sorry Auslander, i dont mean to sound rude or ungrateful but would you be able to give me your suggestions soon please?
its not that long until i have to give my speech :|

thanks again :)

help the monkeys are attacking me! dont worry, i fed the monkeys a banana, so now their off fighting a cat. i like the snow but the rain burns my skin. i can build a fort but thefhsfhkfnkjdsfikdgkjnbgjk...
#9
no jokes are coming to me at them moment. >.<

can you think of any life experiences that relate to leadership abilities?


#10
haha yeah i know what you mean. nothing funny is coming to me either

there are leadership experiences that i have had such as leading previous school assembles and other stuff but nothing that is funny
its all surprising dry

cant even find a funny quote about leadership

thanks well i'll leave it with you. i have a bit more than a week, its just that i'll need to get started soon as i plan to have it learnt off by heart. If anything comes i'll just improvise it in, cheers

help the monkeys are attacking me! dont worry, i fed the monkeys a banana, so now their off fighting a cat. i like the snow but the rain burns my skin. i can build a fort but thefhsfhkfnkjdsfikdgkjnbgjk...
#11
how 'bout this one (works good for breaking awkward silences) "so then i said thats not a llama thats my wife [laugh a ton regardless of what everyone around you does]"


#12
lol well its funny
but i seriously need to be consistent/formal in my speech
teachers are voting as well, i get too random and i lose votes


help the monkeys are attacking me! dont worry, i fed the monkeys a banana, so now their off fighting a cat. i like the snow but the rain burns my skin. i can build a fort but thefhsfhkfnkjdsfikdgkjnbgjk...
#13
Originally posted by kateman:
hi i was wondering if anybody knows any good jokes that could be thrown into school captain speech?
its just to lighten the mood and make me stand out more but at the same time i dont want to look like a tryhard.

any ideas would be appreciated

p.s. i know a joke thread already exists but i couldnt find any that relate specifically to this topic.

Another important factor to take into account when using jokes in speeches is your target audience. Do you think you are at the proper setting to tell a joke? Do you think your audience will react positively? Be very careful when using this method. I have seen people do this and heard nothing but crickets from the background.

#14
iam well aware of that. its why iam saying i still have to have limmits (formal environment) to my jokes, but i was open to any suggestions and i would see if they could work out or if i could edit them in a way that it would be appropriate

see i have jokes, and i know i will use one because everybody (friends who arnt trying to screw me over) is saying i should, but the others iam not sure about and probably wont because they may backfire as you said.

but thanks for pointing that out anyway

help the monkeys are attacking me! dont worry, i fed the monkeys a banana, so now their off fighting a cat. i like the snow but the rain burns my skin. i can build a fort but thefhsfhkfnkjdsfikdgkjnbgjk...
#15
Originally posted by kateman:
iam well aware of that. its why iam saying i still have to have limmits (formal environment) to my jokes, but i was open to any suggestions and i would see if they could work out or if i could edit them in a way that it would be appropriate

see i have jokes, and i know i will use one because everybody (friends who arnt trying to screw me over) is saying i should, but the others iam not sure about and probably wont because they may backfire as you said.

but thanks for pointing that out anyway
I'm sure you did well. You seem like a very sensible person. I was never fond of public speaking. Take care now...

#16
Ew god...public speaking! If there is one reason I am glad I am done with college is that I do not have to deal with torture such as public speaking etc anymore.

Good luck with the speech (if you haven't already done it), just imagine one of your fat teachers in the flesh, works a treat!

What up pryme :)


#17
Originally posted by svtstang:
Ew god...public speaking! If there is one reason I am glad I am done with college is that I do not have to deal with torture such as public speaking etc anymore.

Good luck with the speech (if you haven't already done it), just imagine one of your fat teachers in the flesh, works a treat!

*What up pryme :)

*Not much stang; jut chillin'.
I'm currently not in college (sort of), but public speaking is meagerly part of my job. Stang, I'm glad to hear you got through college ok. Now, you can dedicate a little bit more time posting here in AD :). Be extra easy buddy...

#18
thanks for the support guys
i would have posted sooner except things have been busy

well the speach went well except for the point at which i completely forgot what i have been involved in over the years and i made everyone in the room laugh because, apparently, i had a look on my face when i forgot it that was just really funny :P
who would have figured that i'd accidentally improvise on my jokes

i didnt get school captain (i lost to one of my friends,which iam glad about) but got house captain instead. so its all good. thanks for all the help!

help the monkeys are attacking me! dont worry, i fed the monkeys a banana, so now their off fighting a cat. i like the snow but the rain burns my skin. i can build a fort but thefhsfhkfnkjdsfikdgkjnbgjk...
#19
Good to hear, at least you lost to somebody you respect :)


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