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Christmas Party

Discussion in 'Safety valve' started by andmerr, Dec 7, 2004.

  1. andmerr

    andmerr Guest

    G'day Y'all,

    Happy reading..... and Yes I do have more important things to do,..... and yes I am busy !!!!!!

    Regards...Andmerr :)



    One must be politically correct
    > Subject: Christmas Party
    >
    >
    >>
    >>
    >> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    >>
    >> TO: All Employees
    >>
    >> DATE: October 01, 2004
    >>
    >> RE: Christmas Party
    >>
    >> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
    >> on December 23, starting at noon in the private
    >> function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of
    >> drinks!
    >>
    >> We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing
    >> along.
    >>
    >> And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
    >> Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm.
    >>
    >> Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no
    >> gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving
    >> of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for
    >> employees!
    >> Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
    >>
    >> Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    >>
    >> Patty
    >>
    >> =================================================================
    >>
    >> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    >>
    >> TO: All Employees
    >>
    >> DATE: October 02, 2004
    >>
    >> RE: Holiday Party
    >>
    >> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
    >>
    >> We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
    >> coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
    >>
    >> However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."
    >>
    >> The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
    >> those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
    >>
    >> There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
    >> will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
    >>
    >> Happy now?
    >>
    >> Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    >>
    >> Patty
    >>
    >> =================================================================
    >>
    >> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    >>
    >> TO: All Employees
    >>
    >> DATE: October 04, 2004
    >>
    >> RE: Holiday Party
    >>
    >> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    >> requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
    >> to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
    >> "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
    >> How am I supposed to handle this?
    >>
    >> Somebody?
    >>
    >> Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
    >> union members feel that $10.00 is too much money
    >> and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
    >>
    >> NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
    >>
    >> =================================================================
    >>
    >> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    >>
    >> To: All Employees
    >>
    >> DATE: October 05, 2004
    >>
    >> RE: Holiday Party
    >>
    >> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
    >> Muslim holy month of Ramadan,
    >>
    >> which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the
    >> party!
    >>
    >> Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does
    >> not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.
    >>
    >> Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end
    >> of the party- or else package everything for you to take it
    >> home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
    >> Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
    >> from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
    > the
    >> restrooms.
    >>
    >> Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
    >> with Gay men, each will have their own table.
    >>
    >> Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the
    >> person asking permission to cross dress,
    >> no cross-dressing allowed though.
    >>
    >> We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be
    >> available for those on a diet.
    >>
    >> We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people
    >> with high blood pressure to taste first.
    >>
    >> There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
    >> cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
    >>
    >> Did I miss anything?!?!?
    >>
    >> Patty
    >>
    >> =================================================================
    >>
    >> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    >>
    >> TO: All F***ing Employees
    >>
    >> DATE: October 06, 2004
    >>
    >> RE: The F***ing Holiday Party
    >>
    >> Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
    >> this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not,
    >>
    >> so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death,"
    >> as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f***ing salad bar,
    >>
    >> including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.
    >> They scream when you slice them.
    >>
    >> I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I
    >>
    >> Hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
    >>
    >> The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!


    >> =================================================================
    >>
    >> FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
    >>
    >> DATE: October 07, 2004
    >>
    >> RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
    >>
    >> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
    >> and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
    >> In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
    >> give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
    >>
    >> Happy Holidays !
    >>
    >> Joan
    >>
    >> *******************************************************************
     
  2. baabaa

    baabaa Active member

    Joined:
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    LMAO.......................

    It has been a long time, but I have finally managed to track down another classic Christmas message.

    A message that EVERYONE should consider BEFORE entering into any drunken frenzy.

    Click on the link below, open up a smoothie, kick back and (if you feel the need, like I did) join in with the lyrics.......................
    And when they are done, click on the cracker at the bottom right hand corner for some education.

    Enjoy and take notes........................LOL

    http://www.playingsafely.co.uk/12stisofchristmas/12-STIs.html
     

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