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GrandpaBW: its friday funnies

Discussion in 'Safety valve' started by andmerr, Oct 8, 2004.

  1. zippyd

    zippyd Active member

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    I offered my two cents worth on that one. rather comical, but kind of not.
     
  2. rick5446

    rick5446 Guest

    Sleeping Couple

    Michael invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Michael's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Michael and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

    Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Michael and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Michael volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne and I are just roommates."

    About a week later, Joanne came to Michael and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Joanne said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

    So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

    Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Joanne, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Joanne. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

    -----------------------------------------------
    A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past, looks up and says to the
    monkey "Hey, what're you doing?" The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up and have
    some." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke a few joints. After a
    while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so
    stoned that he leans over too far and falls into the river. crocodile sees this and swims over to the
    lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard
    explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up a tree with a monkey smoking pot, got too stoned
    and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and
    wanders into the jungle. He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a joint. The
    crocodile yells up to the monkey and says "Hey!" The monkey looks down and says, "Shit
    Dude........How much water did you drink?!"
     
  3. epepper9

    epepper9 Regular member

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    I posted that joke on the first page of this thread, lol.
     
  4. ddp

    ddp Moderator Staff Member

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    i thought i had read it here just couldn't remember were but was about 2 guys not guy/girl couple
     
  5. ScubaBud

    ScubaBud Regular member

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    PMS Security Threat Level

    A warning from HomeLife Security....

    http://tinyurl.com/4yx2z

    Has Sound) ... be sure to push the buttons.

    (This belongs in this thread.)
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2005
  6. andmerr

    andmerr Guest

    thats was very good but now i have a question.I recorded the screen as i watched it and it comes out as a very good avi but there is no sound how do i get the sound file?

    i was using camtasia 2
     
  7. andmerr

    andmerr Guest

    its about 6.6meg i can send it to any one who wishes to play around with it
     
  8. epepper9

    epepper9 Regular member

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    lol PMS can occur at any moment.
     
  9. ScubaBud

    ScubaBud Regular member

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  10. epepper9

    epepper9 Regular member

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    bahahhahahhaha that's classic lol
     
  11. bklyn1028

    bklyn1028 Regular member

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    a skeleton walks into a bar
    orders a pitcher of beer and a mop
    lol
     
  12. jacsac

    jacsac Regular member

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    George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty,
    how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give
    me?"

    "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself
    with intelligent people."

    Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really
    intelligent?"

    The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer
    an intelligence riddle. The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please
    send The Prime Minister in here, would you?" Tony Blair walks into the room.
    "Your Majesty..." The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your
    mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your
    sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers, "That would
    be me!" "Yes! Very good!" says the Queen.

    Back at the White House, Bush calls in his vice president, Dick Cheney.
    "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's
    not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," says
    the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one."

    Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him
    an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin
    Powell's shoes in the next stall. Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this
    for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or
    your sister. Who is it?"

    Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

    Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!" Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks
    to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that
    riddle. It's Colin Powell."

    Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face -
    "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
     
  13. epepper9

    epepper9 Regular member

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  14. andmerr

    andmerr Guest

    where do you guys come up with this stuff, that won was awesome .
     
  15. ScubaBud

    ScubaBud Regular member

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    You know what the sad thing about that joke is!?!?!?


    It probably would be true if Bush did ask that question!!!!
     
  16. andmerr

    andmerr Guest

    fri 4/3/05

    A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation.
    Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"

    The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing."

    "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now

     
  17. cmoney

    cmoney Guest


    A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart

    covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

    Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.

    The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

    At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes

    stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own

    funeral... I'm a gynecologist."

    That's when the proctologist fainted.

     
  18. geestar20

    geestar20 Active member

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    A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. The fugitive orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, takes the woman and ties her to the bed. In the middle of it, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you". To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. I told him where to find it. Be strong, honey. I love you, too."
     
  19. ddp

    ddp Moderator Staff Member

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    good 1
     
  20. andmerr

    andmerr Guest

    (lol)


    These two blondes walk into a building.

    You'd think one of them would have seen it.

     

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