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How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans, and Southerners?

Discussion in 'Safety valve' started by roeod4, Jun 17, 2004.

  1. roeod4

    roeod4 Regular member

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    Not to get too political here, but I just love this!

    How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans, and Southerners?

    Answer: Pose the following question:

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.
    You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

    [bold]Democrat Answer:[/bold]
    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
    Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think?
    What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?
    Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1?
    Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

    [bold]Republican Answer:[/bold]
    BANG!

    [bold]Southerner's Answer:[/bold]
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    click....(sounds of reloading).
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
    Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips??


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    Last edited: Jun 17, 2004
  2. Prisoner

    Prisoner Guest

    Canadian Answer:
    Step out the way grab his wrist and smash his head into the ground. Much more fun that way :p

    Liked the other ones. But one I just can't place would be to grab a kid, use as a human shield and then shoot him down.
     
  3. Nephilim

    Nephilim Moderator Staff Member

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    Right on the money!!!!!


    A kid as a human shield, Prisoner? I hope you plan on having lots of kids if you live in a big city :p
     
  4. roeod4

    roeod4 Regular member

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    In a city like New York you would need to take 5 kids with you just to walk a couple of blocks.
     
  5. Bitcount

    Bitcount Guest

    I'm a liberal, and i would have shot in the air first, then i woulda put one in 'im (had he not been detered).

    You did however forget about the part where the republican shoots him, takes his wallet gives the money to his rich friends, and then shoots three people who look a little like him just to make sure, and when confronted by the authorities, demands to know why they hate america.
     
  6. roeod4

    roeod4 Regular member

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    Actually, as a republican and a southerner I can say that in no way would I take the man's wallet and give the money to my friends. I would never do anything like that. I would keep the money for myself!
    I would not shoot three other people either, unless they happen to be wearing tie dye and protesting for something stupid, like the banning of all SUVs and then I would shoot far more than just 3, I would be sure to get everyone of those dirty little hippies.
    And when confronted by the authorities they would probably just give me a medal. So make sure you get it right.

    Oh and by the way, in the real world you would never get the second shot off. It takes and average of 7 seconds for your average human being to charge with a knife and stab you for 15 yards away. After putting that first shot in the air you would have a knife in your chest as you fell to the ground. On top of that, if you did shoot in the air you could possibly hit an innocent bystander in the apartment complex above you or an endangered bird of some sort which could be flying by. That would then put you in further dilemma since your other liberal friends would have nothing to do with you after that even if you did survive. So now you would have a huge knife wound and none of your friends would speak to you for harming that poor endangered bird or the innocent little old lady.
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    Last edited: Jun 18, 2004
  7. Hanedrick

    Hanedrick Regular member

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    As a non political person and just a straight up pervert here's what I would do:
    I would use my taekwondo skills to knock the knife out of his had and then knock him unconcious. I would then take him home, strip him of all his clothes, tie him down to the floor, and then I would put fish in his ass crack for my pet mountain lion to eat out of. After my mountain lion was finished I would smother him in raw meat and have the crows come down and eat it off of him while pecking at his nuts and eyballs. I would then fill the tub with syrup and have him take a bath with my pet chimp... Finally, I would give him a tatoo across his chest that says "Don't mess with Hanedrick!"
    and through him out in the middle of the streets of a busy city with only a Leopard skin thong on.
     
  8. Prisoner

    Prisoner Guest

    Man you Americans and your shooting frenzys. I am far from libirl, but there are so many other good ways to take him down. Wrist throw, use his knife to stab him in the chest, take out your knife and stab him or just use the sword on your side Samurai style.
    But as they say Guns don`t kill people Nephilim kills people. :p
     
  9. Prisoner

    Prisoner Guest

    My browsers messed up so couldn`t edit last wanted to add that Hanedrick your messed up man. Every thing was good except the taekwondo, what are you thinking Aikido is the best Martial art. :)
    They don`t teach you how to kick properly in taekwondo, the redirection of Aikido allows for no self injury and if you want you can really mess people up. Hence my wrist lock, throw into the concrete.
     
  10. roeod4

    roeod4 Regular member

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    Hanedrick,

    Remind me never to run into you anywhere! Pervert? That word is mild for the senario.
     
  11. Hanedrick

    Hanedrick Regular member

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    Last edited: Jun 18, 2004
  12. Nephilim

    Nephilim Moderator Staff Member

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    I never killed anybody that didn't deserve it :)


    Hannedrick, you're a man after my own heart. I'm a proud pervert with no political affiliations as well.
     
  13. gruel

    gruel Member

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    roeod4
    like it. i never knew anything about american poltics but know i feel i know all i need to know.
    god i hope you guys dont invent a mini mini gun one that you can carry around in your hand bag or back pocket that fires 5000 rounds per minute with exploding shells, but if you do put me on the waiting list for one make that 2 ;)
     
  14. Buik

    Buik Regular member

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    The "Kid as a Human shield" is an islamic Jihadist trick.

    Cowards one & all.
     
  15. Nephilim

    Nephilim Moderator Staff Member

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    I'm working on it.

    I just can't find the right handbag to go with my mini-gun making outfit.
     
  16. roeod4

    roeod4 Regular member

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    gruel,

    If I figure that one out I'll give one away to every legal citizen I can find.
     
  17. Bitcount

    Bitcount Guest

    a "mini" mini-gun? I could write my name into buildings.

    But of course i too, am Canadian, and have only shot things like ducks. But no endangered ducks!! (food tastes better if you killed it yourself)
     
  18. Prisoner

    Prisoner Guest

    I know you didn`t deserve that one Nephilim. But I remebered way back when on an other thread, you were talking about your shooting hobby and mentioned something similar. Thought you might, just recall that one.
    Killing your own food is a good thing, But with a mini gun might be ok for a stir fry. Then you don`t need to know how to cut.
     

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