this ones for all you alcoholics, you know who you are!!!!!!! Drinking Guide for the Holidays SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about her house training. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender. SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth
its being awhile since i've had a drink but well i have experienced most of the above.O'H SHOULD I SAY i have really embarrassed my self publicly now and again. One year i really liked this bird and well to cut a long story short got so pissed that i actually got on top of the table , started yelling out about how many guys she was sleeping with to the open bar.To quieten me down i was given some food but well you get the idea.You know i reckon they were trying to poison me.Something didnt agree and everything came up to say hello,literally.After that day i got banned from that particular establishment, couldnt really remember most of it except my boss was really understanding.Kept on reminding me how i spiced that dinner up for every one.This is a true story, it happened to a me.I still cant live it down.
