I Couldn't Resist: It's Friday Funnies - Closed!

Creaky, you just ripped out my heart. Please open that sucker again.

 

Friday funnies closed = not funny

 

Hey creaky, did the bribe work or will it take hard cash to keep Ireland around?Maybe we should start collecting donations as I would hate to see him go.

 

creaky
A man walking into a hospital notices a prominent surgeon and his surgical resident down on their hands and knees digging in one of the flower beds. He goes over to them and asks, "Can I help? Did you lose something?"
"No," says one of the surgeons, "We're about to do a heart transplant on a mod from afterdawn named creaky and we're looking for a suitable stone."

 

It's Friday Funnies

SAY THESE 3 TIMES QUICKLY
Brainy boys bake black bran bread.
Six sick sheiks seek sixty crisp snacks.
Should Sid shave a short single shingle thin, or shave a short thin single
cedar shingle thinner?



What is black and blue all over, brown on top, and found in a ditch?

A brunette that has told too many blonde jokes!



Political Philosophies

Political Philosophies Explained in Simple "Two Cow" Terms:

Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides
you with milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

Nazism: You have two cows. The government takes both and then shoots you.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one,
milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Corporate: You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the
milk of four cows, and then act surprised when it drops dead.

Democracy: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you
must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has
only one cow which was a gift from your government.

 

The Old Man on a Moped
A hip young man goes out and buys a 2001 Ferrari GTO. It is the best and
most expensive car available in the world, costing about $500,000. He takes
it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped
pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What
kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A 2001 Ferrari
GTO. They cost about a half million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so
much? "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude
proudly. The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?" "Sure," replies
the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all
right!"

Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his
car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 mph.


Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting
closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh!


Something whips by him, going much faster! What on earth could be going
faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he
sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh!

It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked
like the old man on the moped! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a
moped outrun a Ferrari?!" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror!
Whooooosh


Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.
The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and
the old man are hurting for certain.


He runs up to the old man and says, "Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man moans and replies, "Yes. Kindly unhook my suspenders from your
side-view mirror!