Locoeng, Where are my Free Latex Repair Patches ?

As many are aware, Locoeng has sold many a blow up doll made to Loco's likeness on Ebay. Mine came with holes in it and will not inflate (where the holes are, I will not put my mouth there)

Loco, in all fairness said he would send me some free latex repair patches in June of this year. As of this date, no repair patches.
( ddp thinks Loco swindled me, and I want to agree)

So, I started this thread for all to tell of their troubles with Locoeng's purchased blow up dolls on ebay or where ever you purchased them.


aD'ers, here your chance to vent ! Tell all !!



Locoeng doing his best

 

Dear Loco industries,

I recently purchased the size 7-inch loco doll with the creaky'n palls "bam bam male enhancement", upon opening the package i found the bodies of several small critters and a Kenyan athlete, none the less making love to said items was enjoyable but not worth the 4 easy payments of 29.99$ i had originally payed

to whom should i contact for a refund/reshipment of my desired product (loco doll 7-inch model)

-tripplite

 

Dear customers.. as you know all items offered for sale on fleabay are on a "buyer beware" warranty scheme. We do not sell direct but instead employ the services of Flogit&Ripemoff Co Ltd who should be contacted as "the vendor" in the first instance.

We have shown you EXACTLY the kind of pvc patching kits you need to purchase, and as they are available at the incredibly reasonable price of £2.99 we see no need to stock them ourselves. http://www.cyclesportsuk.co.uk/product_info.php?products_id=3752

We are sorry that you are unhappy with our products, but we do state clearly that they are for "occasional and light use" not continual hammering.

Mr/Ms Tripplite.. In what way is the product unsatisfactory? Our replacement/refund terms only cover faulty manufacture, components or assembly. We never refund on matters of size. If the item is too large we suggest you sell it on and purchase from either our 3" or 5" range. There may be some large men at the back of the bus depot who can assist you with fitting the item. If the item can be returned to us in unused condition in it's original packaging we may be prepared to offer an exchange for a smaller model.
Please note:: we have discontinued the 12" mamba as demand outstripped supply and we were unable to cover orders.

We suggest you find a hobby which is less stressful on the heart and will prolong your eyesight..

Yours

imawhacker@bishopbashers.net

Customer Services

 

Dear Loco Industries,

I am writing to you to inform you of my displeasure with my latest purchase. I had ordered the "Love Glove" for $32.99, and what I received was NOT what I was expecting.

I received what looked like a bathroom tissue tube with some type of rubber glued around it. On one side was an arrow pointing to an opening with the words 'Insert Here' written in marker.

Once anything was inserted into one end, you could hear a noise coming from the other end. The noise seemed to make a "BAAAAAAA" sound.

This sir is not what I was expecting from a company like yours. I am expecting my immediate refund within the next few days before I contact my lawyer.

rtm27

 

Dear Customer rep,

i am a devoted customer and have been purchasing from loco industries since 1999, i would expect some sort of discount at this point due to the fact that the item in question is not what was advertised, in addition the kenyan man was heavier then i expected and has bricked my tom and the two twins.....

I had originally purchased my genitals from your company with a life time warranty....does it cover bricked by kenyan??

-tripplite

 

this harassment and denial of service from loco industries is proof that your organization can no longer provide quality service and products like you once did, consider my most recent purchase my last....i will now forward my sexual desires toward living organisms instead!!!

-tripplite (dissatisfied customer)

 

Loco Industries,

I'm writing to you as i am dissatisfied with my recent online purchase of the LocoLove doll.

Not only was there real hair on the doll in various places i will refrain from mentioning; but the item smelled so strongly of cologne, Old Spice i think, that direct contact made my skin - in various places i will refrain from mentioning - burn horribly.

That, and i do not remember ordering one that constantly yells "Choo-Choo" when it's in...ahem, use.

As a first time customer i hope this was a fluke of a bad product and sincerely hope that all will be rectified in a timely manner.

Thanks,
7thsinger

 

Who got rubber chickens with a photocopy of Loco's face instead of the real deal ?



LOcoeng doing his best

 

My FleshLight looks NOTHING like Loco...

 

I just received a package from Loco Industries a few minutes ago (who the heck sends stuff COD anymore), when I opened it, everything inside was covered in some sort of white powder.

Inside were bottles of lube, which had "Approved By Goodswipe & Locoeng". What you and Goody used to approve this stuff I don't want to know. I just want to know one thing.....WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH 45 BOTTLES OF LUBE, EACH ONE 16OZ??!!

 

Goody is in on it with LOco ?

Locoeng doing his best

 

Hmmm, a conspiracy i sense!

 

Loco, you showed me none of the above when I bought the blow up doll from you. So

1) where are my free latex patches
2) if no patches, where's the replacement (new, not a refurb)
3) my refund


Loco at his best

 

Ladies and Gentlemen,

As a LEGAL representative hired by LOCO Industries you gentlemen and ladies? need to realize that these products are for NORMAL use only and as indicated by my colleague Ms. varnull ... the Dolle's in question CANNOT take the pounding that you seem to be giving them!!! If you use them you have to treat them with "respect, kindness, and love" just like any "sexually related material or item"!!!

Please consider this an OFFICIAL memo on "stop your b!tching and complaining" as to the "quality" of said property or more specifically the LOCO Industry Dolle!! If these incessant and unwarranted complaints continue I'll have to get our OFFICIAL complaint department supervisor, ddp, to address you individually!!! He can be very abusive and "electric" with his methods and we are NOT liable for his actions as stated in the EULA given by Mr. LOCO himself. His quote of the EULA may NOT have been comprehensive or complete as posted!

Thank you for your time and your business!!

The GM
Legal counsel for LOCO Industries
Long time user of the LOCO Ultimate Dolle Package

PS. Please consider if you have "abused" your LOCO Dolle and "caused" unwanted holes/punctures by your actions that the link provided by Ms. varnull for after market quality patches is available as a third party "possible solution".

 

Dear customers,

Please don't allow yourself to be lulled into his (ddp) web of torture and punishment!! His methods as previously described can be "electric" at best! We have definitive proof that the methods employed by Mr. ddp have been known to cause "electrical burns" and some people have even disappeared from our site!! Please take into account the possible affects and effects of his methods and reconsider your complaints to this company.

Thank you and have a nice day!!

The GM
Legal counsel for LOCO Industries
Long time user of the LOCO Ultimate Dolle Package

 

Dear Legal Council GM

The said holes in my Loco blow up doll were not "caused" by me in any way. The blow up doll came with said holes, and was a factory defect. The blow up doll was in no way suitable for its intended use. So the fault is all of the manufacturer. Multiple attempts have been made to correct this matter. It appears Loco Industries is not interested in rectifing the situation in a timely or profession manner.

So in order to expedite the solution to this poor state of affairs, using legal letigation is an means to itself, albeit slow and costly,a more economical method will be to allow the court of public opinion to sway all potential buyer to stay away from any products sold/hawked/cheated/offered by Loco Industries.

This is fair warning, that we, the dissatisfied buyers from Loco Industries will take their double talk and misuse of EULA and the like no longer.

We intend to fight back in the best possible way. And that is to warn all to not do business with Loco Industries. If Loco Industries fails as a company, we'll just chaulk it up as a victim of the American recession.


Sincerly, iluvendo

Loco at his best

 

Dear iluvendo,

Like I mentioned in an earlier transcript, the portions of EULA and PUR posted may not represent them in their entirety!!! Please consider taking this matter into your own hands, like you haven't already, and ordering some third party latex patches. AGAIN Ms. varnull has provided a link to a very popular and reliable brand.

Also as mentioned in a previous communique your Dolle is sent thru a Vendor and therefor could have been "altered" or "abused" before you took possession and defiled, oops, enjoyed said Dolle. At this time it seems that you haven't contacted the distributing vendor.

Your lack of understanding and persistence in this matter is very disturbing. AGAIN you can choose to spend a couple of dollars on some very nice patches, which I've purchased in the past as well, and fix this problem forthwith!!!

The GM
Legal counsel for LOCO Industries
Long time user of the LOCO Ultimate Dolle Package

interoffice memo: Mr. LOCO,
I appreciate your efforts on this matter and I apologize for the obvious blunder at one of our trusted vendors. I'll contact them immediately and determine if said vendor needs to be dropped or if they have a "mischievous" employee that needs our "complaint" department's attention.

Mr. ddp please be advised your services may be needed and therefore be prepared to assemble quickly and strike even quicker.... <insert very large and wide smile>

The GM