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"Best friend" drama...opinions?

Discussion in 'Safety valve' started by Session9, Jan 31, 2008.

  1. Session9

    Session9 Member

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    Just venting a little...

    One of my friends decided she wanted to go for a big trip for her 21st this year, five star luxury hotel, theme parks and all, and expects another friend and I to go too. She has this idea that she'll never get the chance to go on this trip while she's still 'young'.

    I think she's being selfish, she knows neither myself or the other friend can really afford it. Especially me, I have no job and have other things to save up for this year.

    Last week I told her I can't go, I just can't afford it, and refused to let her pay for it on the condition I pay her back by the end of the year. My two friends stormed out of my house, slamming my front door without saying goodbye.

    Since then, the one who's birthday it will be has tried talking to me once but never said sorry or admitted she was being selfish after I told her that's what I thought. The other friend hasn't talked or looked at me since.

    I can't believe they reacted like that to something I cannot change or do anything about. If this person had thought more about who would be able to go on this trip, they should have changed the destination or at least given everyone more than 4 months notice.

    I value honesty and truth above all things, and I spoke my mind and said what I was thinking to them and they've given me stupid excuses and my own words back to me, e.g. 'You disappointed me'. What's up with this?

    I don't believe I've done anything wrong and I don't feel like being the one to initiate conversation with these idiots.

    Am I right?
     
  2. Auslander

    Auslander Senior member

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    <misogynistic_remark>Yeah, well...she's a woman....women make drama like Smith & Wesson make .38's.</misogynistic_remark>

    If I were you, I'd just drop this friend. But then again, I don't have any friends, anyway. :)
     
  3. Session9

    Session9 Member

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    Haha yeah.

    I just didn't understand why they'd act that way after being friends for so many years.

    But oh well. Now I have no friends like you =P
     
  4. varnull

    varnull Guest

    Friends?? Those people were not your friends. Can't you see it.. they just hung out with you because they have money and you don't.. you made them look good, instead of the self centred assholes they are. A real friend would either say "sorry.. you can't afford to come, but we will bring you something nice back.. or they would just pay for you to go with no strings attached about paying back.

    You want to know why they aren't talking to you now?? Because unlike them you have grown up.. far beyond the "I've been to wallyworld, aren't I great" syndrome..

    Give them the finger and leave them to get on with their shallow mall rat lives.. Believe me sister.. you don't need idiots like that cramping your style.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 31, 2008
  5. Auslander

    Auslander Senior member

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    +1 for the Jan-inator.

    Just to clarify, I mean I have no friends here in my college town. There are people I consider allies, just not here. :) /me points at Jan, Dan, and Jack, among a few.
     
  6. rdmercer1

    rdmercer1 Active member

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    just how good of friends are you with the one who's birthday it is? and the same with the one's that left slamming the door? and for one thing she isn't being selfish, it is something that she want's to do, and if you can't afford this, that is your problem not her's, and if she will cove your way that is allright as long as you pay her back, also it is always a good thing to have a job so one could go and do things like this, and as far as your other friends geting mad because they were wanting this girl to pay thier way and get a free ride, that is another problem, if they get bent out of shape over a little thing like this, they probley need to grow up, and get a job or a life!
     
  7. XEnigmaX

    XEnigmaX Regular member

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    Allow me to play Devil's Advocate for a little while.

    I'll start out with a question the you can dwell on:

    Why are they upset?

    I don't think they're upset because you called them selfish--if they're as good friends as you describe, they're just so disappointed that you can't go that they're mistaking their disappointment with anger.

    I'm a big fan of honesty and truth as well, but another element necessary in the equation is tact. I don't know how you told your friends that you couldn't go, but however you said it, it hurt them.

    I've got a couple of solutions I could offer--because losing friends is never fun (and I'm sure they're not as immature as people are describing because you wouldn't have hung out with them if they were immature, right?)

    The first, which is probably the hardest for you, is to accept the offer to go on the trip and pay her back later. This will give you more incentive to find a job when you get back, as well as heal the wounds that were broken.

    The second, which is almost just as painful, is to apologize for being so brutally honest. The stubborn will rarely admit when they're wrong, but if you admit first, chances are that they'll apologize as well.

    Sorry for not being more helpful, and if you don't like my answers, you could always write Dear Abby.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2008
  8. 7thsinger

    7thsinger Regular member

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    If they've been friends of yours for that long, they'll usually bounce back. I agree that an honest apology for brutal honesty may in fact expedite the process a little. But, that's not always easy, especially when you feel you were in the right.

    I wish there was a solid answer to give you, but when dealing with people, there are very few - if any - solid answers. Our differences make us complicated critters. :)
     
  9. Session9

    Session9 Member

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    varnull: They were friends, but I did expect them to react the way you said they should have. We've all been best friends for about 7 years.

    XEnigmaX: I'm sure I told them I couldn't go in a way that didn't warrant this reaction, I'm pretty good with that kind of thing. Also the selfish calling was after the door slamming and whatnot. Being tactful kinda comes hand in hand with honesty for me. Doesn't really sound that way here though..
    And I have no idea what Dear Abbey is =P

    As for the job thing, I would have one now but I don't appreciate being verbally abused by people in a position of power. I have done everything I possibly can to get a job for the past few months and nothing seems to be working, but I'll still be trying and applying until I DO get one.

    I don't think I'm going to do anything about these two people. Taking the stubborn route and waiting for them to come to me, if I go to them I can't trust that they won't do this to me again at some point.
    Not a fan of repeat performances and being burnt by trusted people.

    And thanks for the answers all, they're all helpful in some way or another.
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2008
  10. Auslander

    Auslander Senior member

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    Have any nuclear reactors down there in Aussy land? I work as a lab assistant in one, and it is by far the best job I've ever had.

    I'm guessing that you've mainly applied in the fast food and retail industries? I have done that circuit, too. Those jobs are the worst. Do you have any skills, certifications, or degrees that would qualify you for anything else? How about a hobby that would make a good job? Not sure if you're in a rural or an urban area, but good places to try are often libraries, temp agencies, community colleges, and old folks' homes.

    Craigslist is often good for some quick cash as well as jobs.
     
  11. Session9

    Session9 Member

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    I don't really know if there are any nuclear reactors here.

    I've been applying for clothing and other retail places, administration and financial assistant positions. I'd rather sell my beloved car than work in fast food..ugh.. I think you'd call where I live a rural city? Decent size place.
    I'm halfway through a certificate in financial services, but that doesn't seem to matter to anyone yet.
    I love photography and design but there's not a real big market for that stuff around here.
    Plus to get into anything good you need experience, but you can't get decent experience without having a proper job.
     
  12. 7thsinger

    7thsinger Regular member

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    No joke there!

    Newspapers like people who enjoy photography and design. I spent a couple years working for a local rag designing ads and such. Maybe you should give that a shot.
     
  13. Auslander

    Auslander Senior member

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    If you're into photography, you could take portraits and document events, like weddings and ceremonies, for people. Decent money there, I bet.
     
  14. Session9

    Session9 Member

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    Photography would work, but there's plenty of photographic businesses around here, not many people would pay for some random person to photograph their big event. Plus I don't have the equipment.
    The businesses don't like hiring people that have no experience or qualifications either, it's like a big circle!

    Oh well!

    I caught up with an old friend at a 21st on the weekend, he said to come see him with I finish my finance course, said he'd be able to get me something in his family business. So we'll see.
     

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