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Women::The RULES!!!!!

Discussion in 'Safety valve' started by DaOsT, Mar 18, 2004.

  1. DaOsT

    DaOsT Regular member

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    DUNNO whether you guys have read this or not but I found it pretty funny

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are MEN's rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


    1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.


    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

    DaOsT
     
  2. safc_66

    safc_66 Regular member

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    PMSL, cheers D, made me smile, man.

    Dene
     
  3. Nephilim

    Nephilim Moderator Staff Member

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    My personal favorite. I get so damn sick of getting asked that because no matter how many times you tell them no they don't believe you. Why even ask?
    _X_X_X_X_X_[small]Gigabyte 8INXP, Intel P4HT 3.06
    Mushkin 1024 MB PC2100
    Sapphire 9800 Pro/M-Audio Revolution 7.1
    Plextor PX-708A/Plextor Premium/LTD-166S
    "And we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight." Numbers 13:33[/small]
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2004
  4. Prisoner

    Prisoner Guest

    That was great. My favorite:
    [bold]1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.[/bold]
     
  5. Hanedrick

    Hanedrick Regular member

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    [bold]1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.[/bold]
    lol. my sister still holds stuff I did in '96 against me.
     
  6. vanila

    vanila Member

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    I have NO idea what the problem is with the toilet seat. I swear, I don't get why some people have a heart attack about it.
    WHY are people wasting their braincells on this issue???
     
  7. drchips

    drchips Active member

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    Hiya vanila,

    Welcome to our little "club".

    Lemme guess, Female and over 30!
    Right?

    Seeya....
     
  8. Prisoner

    Prisoner Guest

    I always put the lid down on the toilet. But thats due to germ paranoia. The mist from flushing spews out a lot of bacteria from human waste into generally everthing in the area. Including towels that may be used to wipe your face! This also pisses off some chicks.
     
  9. darthnip

    darthnip Moderator Staff Member

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    HAHAHAAHAH ok who stoled the discription of my wife?!?!
     
  10. DaOsT

    DaOsT Regular member

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    heh damm glad you guys liked it :)
     
  11. forkman

    forkman Member

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    Wish me luck i've just printed your list off and about to show it to my wife :)
     
  12. DaOsT

    DaOsT Regular member

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    forkman lol get a sheild

    I took it down the club last weekend and had a riot of laffs with it
     
  13. forkman

    forkman Member

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    She read it, no sex for me tonight!
     
  14. DaOsT

    DaOsT Regular member

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    LMAO forkman grab a 6pack then it's not sex but you get a good feelin at the end of it
    DaOsT
     
  15. forkman

    forkman Member

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    Right DaOst I've got one for you,took your list down my local to show my mate who works behind the bar he had a good laugh and then produced something from behind the till.
    Enjoy :)

    HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET

    ELEMENT:Women
    SYMBOL:O!
    DISCOVERER:Adam
    ATOMIC MASS:Accepted as55kg,butknown to vary from 45kg to 225kg

    PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

    1.Body surface normally covered with film of powder and paint
    2.Boils at absolutly nothing and freezes for no apparent reason
    3.found in various grades from virgin material to common ore

    CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

    1.reacts well to gold,platinum and all precious stones
    2.Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning
    3.The most powerful money reducing agent known to man

    COMMON USE

    1.Highly ornamental,especially in sports cars
    2.Can greatly aid relaxation
    3.Can be an efective cleaning agent

    HAZARDS

    1.Turns green when placed along side a superior specimen
    2.Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact
     
  16. bird1234

    bird1234 Member

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    LOL...I have never laughed so hard in my life, and i am still laughing while thinking about it. LOL
     
  17. DaOsT

    DaOsT Regular member

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    forkman HILARIOUS its very very true also BOL
     
  18. vanila

    vanila Member

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    I agree. I think anything a person does to reduce passing around grems is a good thing. When I was a child and we had dogs I got into the habit of keeping the seat down to try and prevent the dogs from exploring for water. But i didn't get upset if I found one of them drinking away! they are dogs, after all.

    as far as i'm concerned, i couldn't care less if the seat is up or down. I spend no time thinking about it and I STILL can't understand why so many females seems OBSESSED with this.
    It's like they want to be everyone's mommy. I'd "slap" someone who constantly nagged me about something so stupid!
     
  19. Prisoner

    Prisoner Guest

    The new rule I would have for women is get a freaken dress size. Guys are easy, waist, lenght and shoulders in inches or centimeters. Women each store has a different interpridation of what a size 6 is. One place it same as other places size 8. thats Messed up. ans you tell a girl she needs a larger size she freaks out. Guys just except it. Gome on girls get some self esteem.

    Oh that rant is done. Slaps expected. Oh wait theres only one women in the room. Prisoner ducks.
     
  20. Donuts

    Donuts Guest

    Does anyone actually know what colour mauve is? It's hex code maybe?
     

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