My girlfriend once suggested i color my hair Auburn. "What the hell is Auburn"? i asked "What do you mean 'What the hell is Auburn'"? She replied. I later found out it was the color of her couch... Which i would later sleep on...again and again
i hate that too. I happen to be tall and finding (women's) pants that fit is almost impossible. So i usually get men's. it's SO nice just looking at the waist and inseem numbers and that's IT! Most ladies seem to have NO idea that they can demand better! unfortunately most womens clothes are not as well made as mens (and i mean even things like the seams and other small details). the manufacturers must figure that because females buy more clothes they can be crap anyway. I can't afford to do that. getting men's pants let's me keep them longer.
I printed this out and stck it on the fridge. when the misus got home she woke me up yelling and kicked me out of bed. been on the lounge for 4 nights now. told my dad, he thought it was hillarious so i printed it out again and stuck it on his fridge now hes sleeping in the other room. not so funny now
madbaz, when you post it you should delete the last point. It just gives them ideas. Ya I hate the poorly made womens cloths. I also hate the poorly made men`s designer cloths. Any thing that is not double stiched, I will not buy. I can make better cloths then most of the really expensive designers. Oh the life of a grad student.
I showed this thread to my other half and my mother-in-law, and believe or not, they found it funny. No slaps or punches, i think i lucked. For those gentlemen who did show this to their other half and regreted, i fell bad you, truly i do, only if more women had a sense of humor like mine. I also gave a copy to my father. He made copies and gave put one in everybodies mailbox at work. He said it went overall real well, especially with all the ladies.
I wore homemade clothes till I was eleven years old and those clothes lasted forever. My mom was an excellent seamstress. I remember for Halloween when I was eight she made me a full-body Godzilla suit complete with big green spikes all the way down the back and a long tail. Those were the days
I heard this list on the radio the other day? you sure you didnt get it off theyre? Australia Radio station: Triple M (triplem.com.au) Segment: I think it was "The Cage"
oh, well... whered he get the rules from? any link? cos, the radio station said they got it off the internet but didnt reveal the site, and they had men call up with theyre own rules... very low chance it was from this site... but if it was well done
youd be surprised how many aussies come to this site. I live in NSW and know of about 8 other ppl that come here
i only know of one, that lives within half an hours drive of me... first i thought this was from spoonman, but asked my bro... anyone know where this guy got these rules?
Lets be fair in love or war... MEN::The RULES!!!!! RULES TO BE A MAN Ways to keep your Testosterone flowing... 1. Don't call, ever. 2. If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself. 3. Lie. 4. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as "spike." 5. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed it to them. 6. Here's a good pickup line, "My girlfriend's pregnant, will you go out with me?" 7. Drink Vernors. 8. Play with yourself. Talk about it. 9. Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do. 10. Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn't your fault. 11. Lie. 12. Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women than baths. 13. Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help - don't ask. People will think you have no penis. 14. Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them. 15. Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check you hair, clothing, etc. 16. If you don't like a girl, but can't think of a good enough reason why, just come up with trite, meaningless explanations like, "I don't know. I just don't like her personality." 17. If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible. 18. TWO WORDS: Hack and spit. 19. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine. 20. One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend. She will then see what she's missing and love you for not giving up on her. 21. Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule #1. 22. Say things like, "Wha...?" 23. Don't wear matching clothes. People will think your girlfriend picked it out, and it will cramp your style on picking up chicks. 24. Lie. 25. Deny everything. Everything. 26. Good break up line, "It's not you, it's me." 27. If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about her. Because if any of your female friends like you, they'll really want to know. 28. Don't have a clue. 29. If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it. 30. No means yes. 31. Yes means no. 32. If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel. Enforce this rule at all times. 33. If anyone asks, you have had sex in all possible positions and locations. Improvise. 34. Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak, sex often signifies the end of a relationship. 35. Feelings? What feelings? 36. Tell this to your girl before you have sex, "Don't worry. If you don't have an orgasm, you won't get pregnant." 37. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at anything, either pretend it's not true or kick some ass. 38. Gays are an unacceptable part of our society. Take it upon yourself to personally irradiate all of them from the planet. 39. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. Example: Question: "Honey, will you take me out for a romantic dinner?" Answer: "Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce each day." 40. Every sentence that anyone says can be contorted to have sexual meaning. Do so. 41. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like various genitalia. If, by chance, you have Play-Doh, make sure you make an exact replica of your penis. Measure to make sure it's right. 42. Lie. 43. "Love" is not in your vocabulary. don't even think about saying it. 44. A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not worth it. 45. Ditch your girlfriend. Beg and plead until you get her back. Ditch her again. Repeat cycle. 46. Lie. 47. ALWAYS apologize. NEVER mean it. 48. If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Don't. 49. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget trivial things. You know, like your girlfriend's b-day and eye color. 50. Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they can't see you. 51. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions. 52. Create new words and phrases to describe genital, sex, semen, etc. 53. Complain about not getting any mail. When people FINALLY feel sorry for you and send you mail, ignore it and continue complaining. 54. Lie. 55. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people you don't know. 56. Play with your penis only if you are in a public place with people you don't know. 57. If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are doing, DON'T STOP! This is the desired reaction. 58. You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without virginity. 59. You are male, therefore you want quality. 60. Basic fundamental rule of sex: Quantity IS quality. 61. Lie. 62. If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically you've done nothing wrong. 63. Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what do you have to cry about, anyway? 64. If the question begins with "why," the answer is "I don't know." 65. Women are your napkins. Use them, and throw them away. 66. Remember, Every virgin girl is saving herself or spot" and others will worship your skills. 67. Keep track of how many seconds in your life you have thought about sex. Compare with others. 68. Other peoples' pain is strictly for your amusement. Laugh long and loud. 69. Lie. 70. General Rule: Different is BAD. 71. If anyone asks you for a favor- a) make a big deal about how hard it is for you to do it, b) remind them of this huge favor you've done for them at least every 5 minutes for the rest of their f you're on a date, and there is a lull in the conversation, tell the girl how many different dorms you've been laid in. 72. When you tell a girl about your past, it's good to say, "God, I was such a pimp back then." 73. Here's a good trick. Tell a girl that you're going to leave and when you come back, you want her naked, sprawled on the bed. Leave, and go into her dad's room and tell him he should go check on his daughter. Then drive like hell. (true story.) 74. If a girl breaks up with you because you're in love with someone else, she has no right to be upset. Because, you know, SHE's the one who wanted to end the relationship. 75. The best sex position is you, lying face up... and twenty girls on top. 76. Practice grunting 5 times a day. While some may find it acceptable to grunt only before the morning coffee, the true male will only answer in monosyllabic form, except for emergencies, i.e.. when some portion of your body is on fire. 77. Never ask for directions. Ever. Even if you find yourself crossing the state line when all you wanted was to go buy some ammo. 78. Never ever show emotion. No exceptions. Including the emergency listed in Rule 1. 79. Refuse to talk about the relationship. Get uptight whenever she mentions "love" or "commitment." 80. Leave your boxers on the dining room table. Several pairs. Pretend they aren't there for as long as you can. 81. Never talk to a female, no matter how long you've known her, when you're with your friends. 82. Watch WWF Wrestling and believe it's real. Attempt to get tickets to the matches. 83. Scratch yourself in front of them. Watch them squirm. 84. Realize that your phone bill is way too high, and you couldn't possibly call any of your female friends, even if it's local. 85. Never compliment a girl, unless it's behind her back about the size of her, um... 86. Be early for everything (before the girl is even out of the shower) or don't show up at all. 87. Tell your girlfriend she doesn't kiss as well as your ex. 88. Plan for months ahead to finally go to that wrestling match with all your friends, on your anniversary of course, but neglect to tell your significant other until the day before. When she starts crying, offer to take her along. When she kicks you out of the house, move in with your friends and watch wrestling. Tell them she just has PMS. 89. Tell your girlfriend every dirty joke you can think of-you know how she loves them! 90. When she gets a cold, to cheer her up, tell her exactly how red her nose is and how bleary her eyes are. Expect her to be grateful that you're staying with her. 91. Invite your girlfriend to a Pantera concert. When she gets injured in the mosh pit, get your friend to take her to the emergency room. 92. Tell her, in detail, about all the girls that hit on you. 93. When she finally convinces you to take her to Prom, refuse to dance. Besides, you're just there to stand around and look cool, right? 94. Automatically assume that she doesn't know a thing about cars or electrical equipment. When she finally gives in and lets you fix something, try your best to completely ruin it. 95. Blame everything on PMS.
9 TYPES OF GIRLFRIENDS / BOYFRIENDS 9 TYPES OF GIRLFRIENDS 1. Ms. Nice Gal - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh darling, you shouldn't have." Also Known As: What a Girl, Precious, One of the Boys, Doormat. Advantages: Cheerful, Agreeable, Kindly. Disadvantages: May wise up someday. 2. Old Yeller - "You spineless good-for-nothing no-talent SOB! Can't you see you're making me miserable?" Also Known As:She-Devil, Sourpuss, The Nag, My Old Lady. Advantages: Pays attention to you. Disadvantages: Screeches, Throws frying pans. 3. Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps." Also Known As: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy. Advantages: Predictable. Disadvantages: Contagious. 4. The Boss - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look." Also Known As: Whipcracker, Sergeant, Ms. Know-it-All, Ball and Chain. Advantages: Often right. Disadvantages: Often right, but so what? 5. Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, or hair color?" Also Known As: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey. Advantages: Easily soothed. Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed. 6. Wild Woman - "I've got an idea. Let's get drunk and make love on the front lawn. I done it before. It's fun!" Also Known As: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Unconscious. Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys. Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs. 7. Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at!" Also Known As: No Fun, Humorless, Cold Fish, Iceberg, Snarly. Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you. Disadvantages: You will have no friends. 8. Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship." Also Known As: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic. Advantages: Entertaining, Unfathomable. Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud. 9. Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I want to make love to you like a crazed weasel." Also Known As: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, The One. Advantages: Funny, Intelligent, Uninhibited. Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you. 9 TYPES OF BOYFRIENDS 1. Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?" Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy 2. Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV." Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk Advantages: Stays put; predictable Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass 3. Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did." Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle 4. Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'." Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig 5. Lazybones - "Zzzzzz" Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict Advantages: Well rested; easy target Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams 6. The Sneak - "Who, me?" Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt Disadvantages: May be having time of his life 7. Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?" Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster Advantages: Perpetually aroused Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused 8. The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but ..." Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind Advantages: Tells good stories Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus" 9. Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?" Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction
Five Kinds====OF====SEX 1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honey- moon, you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face. 2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen. 3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom. 4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "F@@k you!" 5) The fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.
