Philipman you stole my line...oh well. Since Futurama got brought into this one, what about Family Guy. Every episode's got at least one that should be on this thread. Peter: Let's go drink till we can't feel feelings.
FMJ: "Your days of fingerbanging old Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her purty pink panties are over!"
Stifler: SUCK ME BEAUTIFUL! Jim: Okay, let's go! Michelle: What's my name! SAY MY NAME BITCH!! Jim: Uh...MICHELLE! MICHELLE!! (various things in the room break) Oh God! Jim: What exactly does third base feel like? Oz: Like warm apple pie. Jim: Yeah? Oz: Yeah. Jim: Apple pie, huh? Oz: Uh huh. Jim: McDonald's or homemade? south park the movie Army General: YOU TOLD US THAT WINDOWS 98 WOULD BE FASTER, AND MORE EFFICIENT WITH BETTER ACCESS TO THE INTERNET! Bill Gates: It IS faster! Over five million.....(General Shoots him)
[bold]Napoleon Dynamite:[/bold] [bold]Napoleon[/bold]- "Pedro offers you his protection" [bold]Napoleon[/bold]- "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bo staff" [bold]Napoleon[/bold]- "I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to" [bold]Pedro[/bold]- "Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true" [bold]Kip[/bold]- "LaFawnduh is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.Don't worry Napoleon, there's a babe out there for you somewhere. Peace out" [bold]Napoleon[/bold]- "I like your sleeves. They're real big." [bold]Napoleon[/bold]- "Sorry I'm late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys." And my two favorites: [bold]Don[/bold]- "Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?" [bold]Napoleon[/bold]- "I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!" [bold]Don[/bold]- "Did you shoot any?" [bold]Napoleon[/bold]- "Yes, like 50 of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?" [bold]Don[/bold]- "What kind of gun did you use?" [bold]Napoleon[/bold]- "A freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?" and [bold]Deb[/bold]- "What are you drawing?" [bold]Napoleon[/bold]- "A liger." [bold]Deb[/bold]- "What's a liger?" [bold]Napoleon[/bold]- "It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic."
Peter [boy]: How come the dinasaurs died out? Museum Host: Because you touch yourself at night! Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for? Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World. Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually. Lois: You're drunk again. Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking. Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk! Peter: Now that's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk! Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker! Veronica Corningstone: You look like a blueberry! Ron Burgundy: Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island! Veronica Corningstone: Well you... have bad hair! Ron Burgundy: I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. Steve Stifler: [about having sex with Candice] I'm gonna be like, "You like this shit Momma?" And then she'll be like, "Fu*kin' right doggie. Suck on my nipples like, like you're milkin' a cow." Taj: I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant. Van Wilder: Okay, we're just going do a little word association. Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk. Taj: Tit! Oh, mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred, but I hear "milk," I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder. Pnub: As usual, marijuana saves an otherwise disastrous day
Peter: If you don't put the Gumbles back on the air I'm going on a hunger strike. You gonna eat that stapler? TV guy: You can't eat a stapler. Peter: Wanna split it? and Peter: Why don't you make like siamese twins and split...and then one of you die.
squizzle & phillipman, not movie lines, but great lines non the less. here are some more Napoleon Dynamite Quotes: [bold]Kid on Bus:[/bold] What are you gonna do today, Napoleon? [bold]Napoleon:[/bold] Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh! [bold]Napoleon:[/bold] Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip. [bold]Kip:[/bold] Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter. [bold]Pedro:[/bold] Do you think people will vote for me? [bold]Napoleon:[/bold] heck yes! I'd vote for you. [bold]Pedro:[/bold] Like what are my skills? [bold]Napoleon:[/bold] Well, you have a sweet bike. And you're really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you're like the only guy at school who has a mustache. [bold]Napoleon:[/bold] What kind of bike do you have? [bold]Pedro:[/bold] It's a sledgehammer. [bold]Napoleon:[/bold] Dang! You got shocks, pegs... lucky! You ever take it off any sweet jumps? [bold]Teacher:[/bold] Your current event, Napoleon. [bold]Napoleon:[/bold] Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.
"The Big Lebowski" Jesus: Let me tell you something pendejo, you pull any of your crazy sh!t with us, you flash your piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you and stick it up your a$$ and pull the fu%%ing trigger 'till it goes click. Dude: Jesus. Jesus: You said it man. Nobody f%%ks with the Jesus. One of the greatest lines ever
the Big Lebowski...what a great movie. Here's more Family Guy. Peter: The neighbors invited us over for dinner tonight. Lois: Great, then I don't have to cook. Peter: No, cook it anyway and we'll throw it out. I don't want you to get rusty. and Lois: I'm thinking about getting a part-time job. I need some excitement in my life. Peter: What are you talking about? You're life's plenty exciting. For instance...<Takes out a torch and lights curtains on fire and walks away>
family guy Peter: Look at this, Lois, see right here [points in book], I was voted most likely to succeed! Lois: Peter, that's not you. That's not even a yearbook, it's a People magazine. Peter: Oh, I wondered why they had the wrong picture and name. Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time. Quagmire: Hey there Gorgeous, how old are you? Connie: 16. Quagmire: 18? Connie: Mom! Quagmire: I Like where this is goin'! Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Auctioner: She had nine STDs. Quagmire: Forty-five bucks. Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Tom Tucker: Stay tuned for our special investigative report on the clitoris, "Nature's Rubik's Cube". Tom Tucker: Well, I believe I speak for everyone when I say all the New Yorkers can go fornicate themselves with a steel rod Lois: What's going on down here? Stewie: Oh, we're playing house. Lois: That boy's all tied up. Stewie: Roman Polanski's house Saving Silverman Coach Norton: Remember, boys! STAY AWAY from women! All they want from you is your man-juice! If you ever get the kind of urges that cannot be supressed by hard liquor, the use this! [showing them his right hand]
Harold and Kumar Burger Shack Employee: Ding-dong! May I interject for a second? As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one... just makes me want to burn this motherfu*ker down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfu*ker down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherfu*ker down! Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! So you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle. Kumar: You can always get your work done in the car. Harold: Let's do it. Kumar: All right. Awesome. Then listen, listen - no matter what, we are not ending this night without White Castle in our stomachs. Agreed? Harold: Agreed. [shakes Kumar's hand then gives him pound] Burger Shack Employee: Wise choice. You guys might have wanted to stay away from our special sauce tonight. Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient. I'll give you a hint. It's semen. [bursts out laughing] Harold: [Smirks] Semen. Burger Shack Employee: Animal semen. [Harold and Kumar scream and drive off as fast as possible]
From Hackers Acid Burn: "What's the score?" (clicks scoreboard) Phreak: "Tie" (all our shouting) Phreak: "What, what...come on, due to Mr. Gills untimely demise and all, guess you two will have to improvise the next round. Crash Override: "Right...I win...you wear a dress on our date." (everyone laughs) Acid Burn: "And if I win...so do you." (Ponders for a moment) Crash Override: "Deal."
mallrats Jay: What you need is a fatty-boom-batty blunt, and I guarantee you'll be seeing a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of those big-titted mermaids doing that lesbian shit. Brodie: You fuckers think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some shit? Family Guy Chris: When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles my brain. Hah hah hah ... ow. Oh, now I don't know math. Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once. Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing? Peter: Oh yeah. Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.
Liar, Liar: Jim Carrey gets pulled over. Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Carrey: Well it depends on how long you were following me. Cop: Why don't we take it from the top? Carrey proceeds to rant about what he's done to get pulled over. Quagmire: Let's play drink the beer! Peter slams a beer. Quagmire: You win! Peter: What do I win? Quagmire: Another beer! Peter: All right, I'm going for the world record. Quagmire: Charlie's got the record. Camera goes to guy pissing into clock. Charlie: Hey man, your clock won't flush.
