Hey all. My friends make me feel realyl insecure. Im a boy. (nearly 17). Tomorrow they are going to town and i kinda have an invite. If i don't go, then one of them bitches to the other about me, and they end up just saying things behind my back etc. I know im insecure and paranoid. It sucks, other people jsut say, it looks liek you need to get some new friends. But, its not that easy when its lads, because then they say your ditchign them and it all esculates to physicaly abuse and bullying. I can't go to town tomorrow because i have to be back after about 30 mins of beign there with them, and they will jsut stay in town. Either way i can't win. I need general advicve about what to do. One of them is great when hes with me and other mates, but when hes with this particular person, he gets influenced and gets turned around. Please help, it sounds sad but with exams coming up nd stuff, its really stressing me out. Thanks.
@Billy So, who gives a fu@k if they talk about you behind your back? If you can't go, you can't go... That's it! You don't owe them nothing! Listen, once and for all, do not try to hang around with the 'lads' if you're not one! If you're not confident enough to stick up for yourself when you need to, (ie. when the 'lads' try to bully you) then don't hang around with them, because they'll make you feel worse and worse! And you'll become more and more insecure... Normally in a 'lads' group, there's [bold]one[/bold] that is a bit rough. The others try to imitate him beeing rough as well. Now, when they are all together, they are very dangerous, because everyone is trying to prove to the next one that they are dogs... But when they're alone, they are nothing but pupps... Don't go with that flow Billy, you're worth more than that. At 16 the hormones are still loose... Go a step further... Concentrate on the girls (my fave - \o/), make them laugh, be funny without being stupid, make a name for yourself there ! All of them will follow [bold]YOU[/bold] soon... Because you have something they want...
You don't know how much that has helped me. i didn't think anyone would understand, but you have described everything! When they are together they are trying to prove to the next that they are it, and try to pick off someone lower int the food chain. I really understand and youve helped loads, but what if they resort to physical bullying, as lads normally do? Thats what im scared of, and it would be hard to make aname with the girls if the lads are putting me down in front of them and will end up physically bullyign me? The "rough" one is my best mate, so he says, but exactly as you described, that means nothing when there together. It really makes me insecure at home, i know that makes me sound like a puff, but its how i feel. Your right about town, if i cant go, i cant! If they want to bitch about me or something then at the end of the day they will feel like a twat. Please reply permiggs, thanks alot mate.
Make sure you fight back! Don't pull punches! If you have to do it, do it! I'll put it this way to see if you understand: They come to beat you. You duck, cover your face, get beat up, black eye, bruised ego etc... The girls will look at you as a puffter... The boys will all of them have a go eventually... They come to beat you. You fight back. You take a beat, but keep coming. At the end the bully [bold]WILL[/bold] call for help, regardless if he's winning or loosing. If it gets to that point, [bold]take the beat like a man![/bold] The other guys will respect you for your perseverence. The girls will look at you as a result. Respect needs to be earnt! It hurts at first, but it tastes good after! Remember, these years you're going through are the most important in your life! How you use/waste them it's up to you! You're 16... It's obvious you're gonna fight! Comes with the age! Don't be an EMO! If you have time off, grab a part-time job, earn some money, buy a sh@tty fiesta, cut your hair really short, walk up straight, clean up really well and shine, boy! There's girls out there by the tone, and they're free! Go and get them!!!
I haven't been sixteen in a long time but I doubt that its changed much. Permigg is undoubtedly better at this type of response but I just wanted to make a comment about the girls...my boy, you are as wrong as you can be! On the whole, girls your age usually HATE little cliques of "lads" all trying to play the cock of the walk, strutting their plumage and making absolute asses of themselves...not all girls, there are always the "airheads" we use to call them, but most girls really hate that male pack minded alpha-male, king of the heap bullcrap....that is something you can sure use to your advantage! Nobody is meant to be a loner, that isn't healthy, but you should look at school, church if you're into that, wherever for some new "mates" as you Brits say. You're mates ain't mates at all. Everyone has a need to "belong" at any age and even stronger at yours but, my boy, you need to belong elsewhere.
Hi Gerry, My two posts here complement each other. This is from the 1st post. Then what i meant on the second post is that the girls like confident men,(boys in this case, ) and for Billy to build his confidence, he needs to prove to himself(not to all the others) that he isn't scared of this world! A result of what, Gerry? A result of the respect the boy earnt from the boys... If a boy is respected by other boys, not by being a bully but by standing his ground up to a bully, he'll be respected by everyone! (best part- girls!) LOL Mate, i had a lot of fights when i was younger, plenty of times i got home bruised, got hit pretty bad or got knocked out... But the result is that around my area, i'm respected because people know that i will fight to defend my interests... I have a pretty big ego, and only if i have my kids around me i will back down on an insult or demonstration of desrespect for me or my own. But i have never been a bully, in fact i ALWAYS made sure i was the one standing up to them... Sometimes the result wasn't the desired, but... LOL
"Earnt"??? That is so damned cool! Yes, we are indeed in accord on the ladies. When I was that age, I was the one who always called the shots believe it or not but I admit I didn't hold that dubious honor by being the strongest or the best fighter ...I was smarter and a hell of a manipulater of student body and faculty alike. Oh, I could hold my own when things got rough but I got myself into a position where the really good fighters wouldn't let anyone get near me unless they belonged there. Must sound strange I guess, but I didn't become "alpha male" by butting heads, I did it by using my head. I was certainly no angel though; in fact, I was expelled from two high schools because I was a "bad influence" which, in fact, was just plain ordinary adolescent mischief but I guess I paid the price of being the one who always thought of and organized the mischief. I didn't go to ordinary schools though; I went to all boys boarding schools; I forget what you Brits call that...schools which are all boys and you actually live there? OH HEY PRIMMIG!! When I was four years old, I don't even remember this, my neighbor kept stealing all my toys and I'd run in the house and cry. Finally my Dad gave me the "you've got to stick up for yourself" speech and don't let Morris steal your toys, stop him! Next time Morris went to steal one of my toys, he wouldn't stop so I hit him in the head with a shovel. Morris is laying on the ground unconscious with blood all over the pavement and I'm standing there proud as could be for having stuck up for myself. I don't think my mother spoke to Dad for six months! LOL! (Morris was fine after a concussion and thirty or sutures and we grew up to be best of friends.) It's my dad's favorite story of my childhood.
@Gerry LMAO!! There are limits to it tough!! LMAO! @Billy You're a junior!!! Consider yourself releaved from the pet position... lol You ain't a n00b anymore... LOL
But, but, but, but ...your releaving me? It was such a good position. We can still be friends, and ill remember you were my owner once. I'll *sniff* just have to step into the big wide world alone then *sniff* DISCLAIMER: No drugs were taking during this post and the "sniff"ing stage directions were not intended to be or be in and way related to drug actions or drug related actions. hee hee.
@Rav Don't go there, man! LOL You should read my interventions as well to see what has been talked about... You might have something to add. I agree with the martial arts and weight training, i done kickboxing to start with, then boxing to polish up the moves up north, done it for about 14 years, then stoped due to kids, my X etc... As for you to come around there... They're a bunch of 16 year olds Rav... The two of us would probably sweep the floor with the lot of them... But just how would that help Billy? Tell me! He needs to learn on his own. I've never been bullied, but steped in loads in bullying cases! That never helped the kid i was trying to 'help'! They always managed to follow and 'do' him! Why? Because they were scared of me(most of the times anyway) but they weren't scared of that kid... And that kid's mentality never changed...
Thanks rav i appeciate your help. It so happens that im in coventry to,but, liek you said, i think i have to sort this out myself. You, permiggs and Gerri have helped alot, i will post again with the latest, if anything goes wrong. Thanks, Billy.
hmmm so your in cov, thats interesting.. btw who are the people who you are going to sort this out with and what school do they go? and best of luck mate i realy do hope that you sort this out and remember if anything goes wrong then you have a plan b
@Billy, Remember, this is something that can't be resolved in one day, one week or one month! What was suggested is supposed to work as a guideline for you to take for the future, it will take a couple of years to sort itself out... Don't get out of that door and talk back at those bullies with an attitude as they will make paste out of you... Right now you have more important things to do than that. Start working on your body first, go hard on it, no pain no gain... Then go for the mind. While you can considerably change the body mass/muscle within a year of hard workouts, the mind will still need working on to grow strong and healthy. As your mind grows healthier a lot of doors will open in front of your very eyes... Good decision making is the finished product you'll be looking to achieve in the future. Life is made out of choices and if you know what to choose all the time, your life is destined for sucess. Don't sit back thinking everything is alright now because you heard some nice words... If you don't take them in properly, you will never understand it fully. [bold]Don't think about it, do it![/bold] Even after that don't take it for granted, your mind is something you have to look after your entire life, play safe and you'll be sucessful... When i was 16/20 i was a bit of a 'jack tha lad'... Alcohol, drugs, the regular night down tha cop shop, my motorbike, the lads, slags galore(good 'ol Britain! \o/)... That was me happy daily life... [bold]A complete looser![/bold] Then my X came around... She 'domesticated' me, f**k knows how! Took me a while to get things done, but i done it! Went night school with loaned money, took my professional City and Guilds courses and after only 5 years i had it all! Enjoyed heaven for a couple of years... One bad move and look what happened... My X still loves and that has kept me out of jail... But she won't take me back anymore and i don't blame her. Now, if you can work towards a good life like the one i had, good, go for it! After that just be carefull with your steps... Take my advices given to you on this thread, IMVVHO they are precious... @Gerry, what do you think of that? Colourfull ain't it?
@primiggs...I am in awe of your skills my friend though I must admit there are a few words in your post which I can't seem to find in any dictionary but what the hell, you guys invented the language so I guess you can do what you want with it! When I was a kid though I spoke mostly french; very little english. Had I met you then you would have had me seriously confused LOL!! I'm glad you posted again though Primiggs because you last post had me worried about what our young friend would do next; I was afraid he was going to go out and take on a group of nasty little hooligans all by his lonesome and end up a big faceless pile of that nasty black pudding blood clot crap you Brits eat LOL!! I actually was impressed with some of your advice though. The sound body sound mind thing is absolutely true. In fact, that philosophy actually and literally saved my life once many years ago; I broke both my neck and my back! If I hadn't been in the physical condtion I was in, I'd have either died or spent the rest of my life in a wheelchair (which would have amounted to the same thing at that age). I liked a lot of what you wrote but don't have time to comment as I'm at the office and I have only a half hour to finish my weekly reports (they're a total work of fiction anyway but one must be creative all the same!!). In Fact, Primmigs, I really love to write; I should make you the lead character of that great novel I never get around to! I also suspect that you're more of a character than any of us know! ...not that your, you know, impulsive or anything lmao! Well, gotta go and make up some clever lies about what I did all week! Have a good one!
@rav009 ... well, I'm at a bit of a disadvantage being on the opposite side of the ocean. I really couldn't comment as I don't know anything about the gangs of lads in coventry. Here in Philadelphia, everyone carries guns so our young friend would have been a piece of swiss cheese before coming within twenty feet...believe me, there isn't much exaggeration there either! Well, as much as I like writing posts in aD, I'd rather take off the ball and chain and go home. Seeya!
@Gerry LMAO!! No, i'm the average guy here... No different from any other 'geezer' in UK... Ask Rav, he'll tell ya...
