ah, ddp..you're such a smartass! maybe i should start calling you "gramps"? lol...lucky for me i'm bulletproof!
installing into new case as customer said there was no power so after installing board but not finished powered it up & it posted. hooked everything else up repowered & no power. ended up the motherboard is tempermental on powerups even when stripped down to a bare board, doesn't always powerup. replaced the motherboard, it will post & stop so replaced it with another & posts than comes up with the menue screen of normal, safe & all that & stops there. had to reload windows ontop of selve to fix that & re-install avg.
hahahhaha..i have to say the computer/wordperfect story made me laugh pretty hard. this thread is hilarious~ keep em' coming guys~
regor, can't as customer had the motherboard for over a year & just replaced his hd the beginning of march & recently the cmos battery died on him.
God ddp i was telling everybody that you know what your doing.I guess getting you to interview kivory666 potential sexataries might be a bit much if a little old computer is going to give you probs.Imagine what a sexatary would do to you !!!!!!!!
i got the little bugger under control. just have to do the sp1 update, do the various scans & defrag & out the door it goes.
yes i think its time to give you guys some new material. See what you think: Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy. A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor" Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what problem is" "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There are three women standing on a street corner. One is called a prostitute. What are the other two called? Support hose!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Having had one drink too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display a nasty side. An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey! How about it babe? You and me?" As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars." She looked back & replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch?" and then theres this: After the annual office party, John woke up with a headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put on some breakfast. "Gina," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn. "You made a complete jerk of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the president of the company to his face!" "He's an jerk, piss on him." "You did," Gina informed him. "And he fired you." "Well, screw him!," said John. "I did. You're back at work on Monday!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tommy comes home one day and asks his father what a cunt is. His father takes him up to the bedroom where his wife is sleeping and takes of the covers. He points to the area between her legs and explains that is called a vagina, and the other 160 pounds is the cunt. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was talking to a man at a bar the other day who looked depressed. I asked him what was wrong, and he proceeded to tell me that he had found his wife in bed with his best friend. "What did you do?" I asked. "I beat the shit out of my old lady!" he said. "What did you do to your best friend?" I asked. "I drug his ass outside, and said BAD DOG, BAD DOG!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A study was done and found that beer has female hormones. One hundred men were all asked to drink two six packs of beer. Afterwards...none of them could drive. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Washington Times conducted a poll of 1,000 women in the D.C. area asking, " Given the recent misconduct allegations against President Clinton, would you have sexual relations with him? " 70% responded, " Never again." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened... you were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out." "No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."
This is very much true, so if you're not to hot at spelling, as long as get the letters right, not necessarily in the right order you may have a chance. Believe it or not you can read it . Icdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia - Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.
gentleman i am but a humble servant here to regal you with some more of thou humour. Enjoy one and all: John said to Kathy, "I'll bet you a dollar I can make love to you without touching your um...you know." "You're crazy," said Kathy. "That's impossible. Here's a dollar that says you can't." The two dollars were placed on the mantelpiece and John then grabbed Kathy, pulled her skirt up and her panties down and for ten minutes screwed her intensely. She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, "You did nothing BUT touch my um....you know!" John shrugged, pushed the 2 dollars toward her and said, "So I lose, best dollar I ever lost. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls. As he gets up, a seven year old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, "If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip. The old man snaps back:"Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor ---------------------------------------------------------------------- A young couple wishing to disquise the fact that they were interested in having sex so their children would not find out, decided to use the term "doing the laundry". One night the husband was in the mood and asked his wife if she was interested in doing the laundry. She was not feeling well and declined...so he went to bed. A little while later the wife came to bed and indicated that she was now feeling better and asked him if he was still interested in doing the laundry. He said no thanks since he had a small load, he did it by hand. ******************************************************************** And finally: On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."
