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GrandpaBW: its friday funnies

Discussion in 'Safety valve' started by andmerr, Oct 8, 2004.

  1. andmerr

    andmerr Guest

    Why am I so Tired?

    For a couple of years, I've been blaming it on getting little sleep, low iron, poor blood, lack of vitamins and a dozen other maladies. Now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

    The population of the United States is 237 million, and 104 million are retired.
    That leaves 133 million to do the work.

    There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

    Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work.

    Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.

    Take out the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments, and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.

    There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.

    With 11,998 people in prisons now, that leaves just two people to do the work.

    You and me.

    And you're just sitting there screwing around reading this !!!!

     
  2. regor

    regor Regular member

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    ahhh youth... I don't recall but I guess I was lazy too at an earlier age... what do you mean define trig cove? I guess you aren't as trig as I thought!

    jimminy christmas!

    You want it spelled out? If someone saw you flying a kite with a homemade tail that gave the kite a special maneuver-ability, and thought it was a clever invention, and said to you "how clever" would you ask them to define clever? I wot not!

    Did you two even consider reading the "Waste Lands" book III of the Dark Tower series? I should add that it makes a lot of sense to read book I and II, as well. I know you can enjoy it; the question is will you enjoy it?

    By the way... I consider myself to be wery trig, indeed!
     
  3. Auslander

    Auslander Senior member

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    i had flipped through the books before, but they never caught my interest. unusual, as i enjoy most of stephen king's novels. but oh well...i don't plan on reading them unless i gain an enormous amount of free time.
     
  4. andmerr

    andmerr Guest

    i think lola's gonna make sure you dont have that time , scrap that reading man..................(bad luck to stephen king)
     
  5. Auslander

    Auslander Senior member

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    i love spending every second i can with lola...i'd trade my entire personal library for a minute of her time :)
     
  6. regor

    regor Regular member

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    icky sweet but that did it...

    Trig [pronounced: trig] as in trig cove - to be trig [duh]

    synonyms:

    crafty
    clever
    sly
    coy
    cunning
    deliberate
    bright

    There! you made me do it! Are you satisfied? GOSH!
     
  7. Auslander

    Auslander Senior member

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    oh, geeze..didn't expect that...thanks, regor! :) i guess honesty pays off in unexpected ways, lol.
     
  8. baabaa

    baabaa Active member

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    We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon.

    The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and a quiet whispering of leaves in the weeping willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene.

    We lay there, both naked. I knew I had to have her, and have her now.

    Without a word being spoken, I moved to a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that this was what she was waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ.

    I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her.

    Then as the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned ourselves to the moment.

    Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself ending it all too soon. As the sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out any longer.

    Finally, the moment we had been building up to was upon us, and passed all too quickly.

    Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last deep orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of approaching night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace. I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassuringly how good she had been.

    She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear and whispered, 'Baaaaaaa' and rejoined the flock.

    (This book is only for sale in Wales and New Zealand)

     
  9. baabaa

    baabaa Active member

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  10. Auslander

    Auslander Senior member

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    just love those white, fluffy little asses, don't you, baabaa?
     
  11. baabaa

    baabaa Active member

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    Ooooh yes, you see they also back upto you when you take them on a cliff edge.....................makes life a whole lot easier.........

     
  12. baabaa

    baabaa Active member

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    Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms but
    kept the same tag-line . .. .


    Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better.


    Tesco Condoms - every little helps.


    Nike Condoms - Just do it.


    Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.


    Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.


    KFC Condoms - Finger licking good.


    Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.


    Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.


    Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.


    Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.


    Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.


    Pringles condoms - once you pop, you can't stop.


    Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper.


    Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide.


    FCUK condoms - no comment required.


    Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?


    Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.


    Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.


    Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long.


    Renault condoms - size really does matter!


    Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin.


    Ronseal quick-drying condoms - it's dry and waterproof in 30 minutes.


    Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim ! ! ! (Please).


    Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach.


    Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world.


    AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service.


    Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of a animal.


    Polo condoms - the condom with the hole
     
  13. baabaa

    baabaa Active member

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  14. baabaa

    baabaa Active member

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  15. pulsar

    pulsar Active member

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    Nice hit on that F*****g frog.
     
  16. baabaa

    baabaa Active member

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    Hopefully he is no more.....ning, nin nin ning [bold]SPLAT![/bold]
     
  17. GrandpaBW

    GrandpaBW Active member

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    @baabaa: ROFLMFAO at the love fest with the sheep, story!!! Some jokes, I tell my wife. This one, I won't. :)
     
  18. andmerr

    andmerr Guest

    god we at page 18 already, it seems like it was only yesterday that i started this thread..


     
  19. Auslander

    Auslander Senior member

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    imagine if it was! now that would be funny :)
     
  20. baabaa

    baabaa Active member

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    Yes if it was yesterday, we would all have had an extra day to the weekend.......coooool!!!!!, thats it, I'm getting smashed.............
     

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