HAHAHAHA lol lmfao!!! oh my days haven't had a laugh like that in ages!! i like the last three the best! btw auslander scaled the pic dwn to 15kb for u hillbillies and erm narrowbanders! lethal
glad i made someone laugh! lol, i was beginning to think i killed the thread! btw, love the new sig pic. it rocks.
How to pass an immigration test in the United States... Mujibar was trying to get into the USA legally through Immigration. The Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter the United States of America. Mujibar said, "I am ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready." The Officer said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'" Mujibar now lives in America and works for Dell in Customer Service.
Thats a good one Grandpa and unfortunately too true. They also work for the phone company's in customer support.
Cyber Sex Attempts Written by Juan "generic nickname" Treminio Wednesday, 11 June 2003 Bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight? BritneySpears14: Aight. Bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah. BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja. Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up. Bloodninja: Me too baby. BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest. Bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman. BritneySpears14: Hey... Bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite. BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it. Bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty fusk of the Beyondness. BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous. Bloodninja: Don't fusk with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands. Bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid. BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit. Bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal. Bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him. Bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now. Bloodninja: Baby? -------------------------------------------------- Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you. j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u. Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure. j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go. j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck. Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory. j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on. j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt. Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts. j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game. Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fusking charge your ass. j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious. Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass. Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet. j_gurli3: thats it. Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn. Bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now. -------------------------------------------------- murph_304: hi murph_304: there bIond_n_a_vette: hi ya stud murph_304: hows your cat bIond_n_a_vette: hungry for your manhood murph_304: so how did you afford to get a vette..?? bIond_n_a_vette: i worked a lot of hours on my back, want ride me? bIond_n_a_vette: i am more fun to ride in than my vette murph_304: Hmmmmm, really? bIond_n_a_vette: yes murph_304: how old are you.? bIond_n_a_vette: 23 murph_304: and what do you look like..?? bIond_n_a_vette: blond, with big tits murph_304: where are you from.. bIond_n_a_vette: houston murph_304: damn, a long way away.... but i wish i was there........ bIond_n_a_vette: want to have sex over the phone? murph_304: it will cost a fortune............ bIond_n_a_vette: ill call you then bIond_n_a_vette: whats your number? murph_304: but i'm from sydney, australia murph_304: not even in the us bIond_n_a_vette: i dont care, i want to hear your manly voice murph_304: i cant at the moment...... but add me to your friends list and maybe we can later.. bIond_n_a_vette: its now or never murph_304: Whats your name anyway bIond_n_a_vette: Ralph murph_304: Ralph..????????/ -------------------------------------------------- J-Dogg: You there baby?? Partner2: Yeah I'm here. J-Dogg: You ready? Partner2: Okay. J-Dogg: I take off my trenchcoat I'm nekked beneath, with pistols on my belt. Partner2: Cowboy boots? J-Dogg: WWI era trench issue boots. Partner2: okay... J-Dogg: Help me pull my boots off baby. Partner2: Whats that smell? J-Dogg: Rotting toes. Partner2: Ummm... J-Dogg: My boots pop off. My feet are black. The toes crumble off with the slightest touch. The dead black tissue that was once my skin chips off in large crispy flakes. A smell of death pervades the room. Gangrenous pus drips from the ends of the stumps where my toes were. I look deep in your eyes, and shove my tongue down your throat. Partner2: ... J-Dogg: You carress my ass, and trim my pubes... -------------------------------------------------- QT-Pie: Hey Jdogg: whats goin on QT-Pie: Nothing. Who are you? Jdogg: Jdogg. Wanna cyber? QT-Pie: what does that mean? Jdogg: what are you wearing? QT-Pie: T-shirt. Jeans. Jdogg: Garter belt? QT-Pie: Ummm...no. Jdogg: Are we gonna cyber or not? QT-Pie: uh, okay. Jdogg: Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this. Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your stink from here. QT-Pie: WHAT?! Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan. Jdogg: You leave everything to jdogg. Jdogg: I am completely inside of you. You are my d!&k puppet. I put on a little play. QT-Pie: This is weird. I should go. Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back. QT-Pie: A stripe? Jdogg: I need a sandwich. QT-Pie: You're a freak. Jdogg: I was great. You loved it. -------------------------------------------------- Mandy4u26: Yeah I'm here. J-Dogg: You ready? Mandy4u26: Okay. J-Dogg: I take off my trenchcoat I'm nekked beneath, with pistols on my belt. Mandy4u26: Cowboy boots? J-Dogg: WWI era trench issue boots. Mandy4u26: okay... J-Dogg: Help me pull my boots off baby. Mandy4u26: Whats that smell? J-Dogg: Rotting toes. Mandy4u26: Ummm... J-Dogg: My boots pop off. My feet are black. The toes crumble off with the slightest touch. The dead black tissue that was once my skin chips off in large crispy flakes. A smell of death pervades the room. Gangrenous pus drips from the ends of the stumps where my toes were. I look deep in your eyes, and shove my tongue down your throat. Mandy4u26: ... J-Dogg: You carress my ass, and trim my pubes...
hmmm aus, nou that you mention it, seems you have a point there, i kinda put it on without to much thought. If you think this is too....funky, i'll remove the post !!!
Pet Fish In KY Who is the smartest? A hillbilly was stopped by a game warden in Kentucky recently with two ice chests of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" "Naw, sir, I ain't got none of them there licenses, no. You must understand these here are my pet fish." "Pet fish?" said the game warden. "Yeah! Every night I take these here fish down to da lake and let them swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump rat back into this here ice chest and I take them home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" says the warden The hillbilly looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth Mr.Government man, I'll show you. It really works." "Okay," said the game warden, " I've GOT to see this!" The hillbilly poured the fish into the lake and stood! and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" said the hillbilly. The warden said, "When are you going to call them back?" The hillbilly said, "Call who back?" "The FISH!" replied the warden. "What fish?" answered the hillbilly. We in Kentucky may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we aren't as dumb as most government employees
hehehe...and that game warden went on to run against Al Gore in a national election and become president of the united states.
actually i quite liked it, very funny.The aim of this thread was to promote humor in all its forms.People know that your post was a joke, so i wasnt offended by some of the off colour humor.Leave it as it was or are you being prudish there auslander(suggesting he edit it).Mayhap we could ask drawlings for her response as she indicated that kinky stuff from a previous post might be her domain.I bet she has a chuckle at retros post or at least go a fine shade of red.
lmao...it was loaded with curse words, andy...the rest i was fine with XD oh, i think the mighty lola would turn red, all right, lol.
By the time Bob pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he pleaded." -- Or just a bed - I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager," and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired traveler replied, "I'll take it." The next morning Bob came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, no problem at all" said Bob. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed snoring away when I came in the room", Bob explained. I went over to him, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, "Goodnight, beautiful,". He sat up the rest of the night watching me."
she's a busy girl, andy. plus, she currently has no internet access at her home. it's quite restricting
Two friends were just about to tee off on the first hole at their local golf course when another man, carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't show up." "Sure," they said, "You're more than welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way through the course, one of the friends turned to the newcomer and said, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a hit man," was his reply. "You're joking!" was their response. "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, he pulled out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window." "Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her ...... He's naked, too!!! The bitch!" He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?" "I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?" "Sure, what do you want?" "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth." "Then my neighbor, he's still a friend of mine, so just shoot his tallywacker off to teach him a lesson." The hit man grabbed the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently. "Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here....."
