Ireland's And All Members Jokes And Picture Thread For All Days Of The Week

Job Application

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in
a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If
that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing
that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

 

Picking Your Nose

Deep Salvage Pick
Reminiscent of the deep sea exploration to find the Titanic ship, you probe deep into your nasal passages.

Utensil Pick
When fingers, and even your thumb, just aren't enough to get the job done to your satisfaction.

Extra Pick
When you have been digging for nuggets hours upon hours and suddenly you hit the jackpot! Excitement only equalled by winning the lottery.

Depression Pick
When you're sad, and the only way to fill the void is to pick so hard and fast that the agony overcomes your feeling of remorse and depression.

Pick A Lot
What we would call abnormal amounts of picking. Anything in the three digit realm we consider a bit too much for a 24 hour time frame.

Kiddie Pick
When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom.
And the best part is, there's no time limit!

Camouflaged Kiddie Pick
When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back
the smile.

Fake Nose Scratch
When you make believe you've got an itch but you're really trolling the nostril edge for stray boogers.

Making A Meal Out Of It
You do it so furiously, and for so long, you're probably entitled to dessert.

Surprise Pickings
When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurling out of your nose, and you have to gracefully clean it off your shirt.

Autopick
The kind you do in a car, when no one's looking. Also can mean automatic pick, the one you do when your not even thinking about it, at work, while talking to a co-worker, during a meeting....

Pick Your Brains
Done in private, this is the one where your finger goes in so far, it passes the septum.

Pick And Save
When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and then you pocket the snot so they don't catch on to what you did.

Pick And Flick
Snot now becomes a weapon against your sister and others in range around you.

Pick And Stick
You wanted it to be a "Pick and Flick," but it stubbornly clings to your fingertip.

Pipe Cleaner Pick
The kind where you remove a piece of snot so big, it improves your breathing by 90%.

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You're So Ugly

You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank they turn off the cameras.

If ugliness were bricks, you would be the Great Wall Of China.

You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house and came out with an application.

If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.

You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you Shit Happens.

You're so ugly, your mate won't have to worry about birth control...your face will do just fine.

You're so ugly, you could model for death threats.

You're so ugly, when you were born they put tinted windows on your incubator.

You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on your mirror.

You're so ugly, when you look in the mirror your reflection turns to stone.

You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand the cats try to bury you.

You're so ugly, your doctor is a vet.

You're so ugly, when you were born the doctor took one look at you and slapped your parents.

You're so ugly, you stuck your head out of the car window and got arrested for mooning.

You're so ugly, your pet name is Scooby-Doo.

Your girl is so ugly, you gave her a hickey and got a mouthful of fur.

You're so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat by phone.

You're so ugly, when your mother went into labor your father went into shock.

You're so ugly, every time your mother looks at you she says to herself, "Damn, I should've
just given head."

I know why you look like a horse, because I saw your mother grazing in the field.

You're so ugly, when we play peek-a-boo - first I peeked, then I booed.

You're so ugly, you can sink your face in dough and make monster cookies.

You're so ugly, they call you Taco Bell, when people see you they run for the border.

You're so ugly, you make onions cry.

You're so ugly, the tide wouldn't bring you in.

You're so ugly, I took you to see the zookeeper and he said, "Thanks for bringing him back."

You're so ugly, you mother had to get drunk before she breast fed you.

You're so ugly, you went to a freak show and got a permanent job.

You're so ugly, the police sketch artists are afraid to draw you.

You're so ugly, when you get sick they call the vet.

You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.

You're so ugly, farmers use your picture as a scarecrow.

You're so ugly, every time you go out you get chased by the dog catcher.

You're so ugly, when you jerk off your hand tries to fall asleep.

You're so ugly, you can't hail a bus.

You're so ugly, they call you Moses because every time you step in the lake, the water parts.

You're so ugly, you give Freddy Kruegger nightmares.

You're so ugly, they let you park in handicapped spaces.

You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it didn't come back.

You're so ugly, when you went to the zoo they refused to let you out.

You're so ugly, you can't get a date off the calendar.

You're so ugly, when your mother went into labor the doctors went on strike.

You're so ugly, your last name is Link and your first is Missing.

You're so ugly, people put your picture in their car window as an anti-theft device.

You're so ugly, that you can turn milk into yogurt, just by looking at it.

You're so ugly, people create a Jackson Pollock style painting when they spew on the floor.

You're so ugly, you could model for death threats.

You're so ugly, when you were born they put tinted windows on your incubator.

You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on your mirror.

You're so ugly, when you look in the mirror your reflection turns to stone.

You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand the cats try to bury you.

You're so ugly, your doctor is a vet.

 

Home Remedies

It is always important to have a plan of action ready in case an unfortunate event occurs at home. Here are some helpful tips that could really help out...

1. If you are chocking on an ice cube don't panic. Simply pour a kettle of freshly boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid argument with the missus about lifting toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. High Blood pressure sufferers: Make an incision in your left or right wrist and bleed yourself for several hours, reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough

7. Avoid the mess when your toilet backs up, use the yard.

Of course we don't recommend you actually use any of these remedies, they are for humor purposes only.

 

The meaning of Politics

Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your grandpa watches everything, so he would be the Union. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her up, he goes to the nanny's room. The door was cracked open, and he sees his father in bed with the nanny. His grandpa was watching too ,from behind a curtain. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."
"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."
The little boy replies, "Well, while the Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the Union watches and does nothing while the People are being ignored, and the Future is in deep shit."

 

Married Life

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'" "Yeah" she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -Stiff At Last'"

Best Sex Ever

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small town. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you." Yes," she says, "I remember it well." OK," he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake?

"Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.. They walk haltingly along leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.

Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen- year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, "That was something else! You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? "You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of a secret?"

The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The little boy asked his father - Daddy, how was I born?

DAD SAYS: Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall and it was too late to hit the delete button. Nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said: You've Got a Male

 

Free Sex


There was this gas station in "Redneck Country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."

Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't giveaway free sex". The buddy replied "No, it's not rigged-my wife won twice last week".

 

[bold]How to identify a rich man:[/bold]

 

creaky ye need a very very large afterdawn tee shirt,

creaky ye need a very very large afterdawn tee shurt,

 

Gangsta Test

The following exam was administered to gangsters as their version of the SAT, this version is known as the official GAT (Gangsta Aptitude Tess)...

1) You just robbed som jack mo fo with $20 in his wallet. You can buy:

A. A dime and two 40's
B. A new pair of Fila's
C. Dashikki down the block
D. Yo mama

2) It's tha end of da monf again and da man is on your jack for da rent. You:

A. Bust a cap in his ass
B. Say, "Shit man, why you all up in ma bidness?"
C. Have anuther kid on welfare
D. Yo mama

3) You and ya holmes are banging down da block when yall scam da uther mo fo's commin your way. If ya both jaking your hydros, and both yall draw yur gats, which of da following happens:

A. Shit goes down in da hood
B. Ya check yur colours and let the cop-killers fly
C. Shit man, I do'no maff
D. Yo mama

4) You drink haff a 40. How much is left:

A. Haff
B. Da uther haff
C. Zum mo
D. Bout enuff to jak yo mama

5) You, beein da shit you are, dress yo self in da morn in which of deese:

A. Yo Tek 9 with da Raiders hat
B. Da AK47 with yo Fila's

6) Tiz yo 21st birfday. You:

A. Hook up with Dashikki down the block and treat her to MceeDees
B. Treat yo self to crack, ice cream, and 40's
C. Gaffle da man
D. I do'no maff

JOG-MAFEE

7) Wher iz da mutherland at:

A. Afrika
B. Mehico
C. Compton
D. Souff Centra
E. Yo mama

8) What am da capita of California?

A. Da Hood
B. Compton
C. Compton
D. Compton

ANALAMA-G'S

9) Tek 9 : Gatt :

A. Yo mama : Dashikki
B. Fila's : Nike
C. Tu pac : Barry White
D. St. Ive's : Colt 45

10) Malt Liquor : Da Chronic :

A. Da Man : Da Systum
B. ReeRun : MC Hammer
C. Fat Albert : Shaft
D. Yo mama : Dashikki

NOW LOOKIE HERE FOO. I GOTS TO AXE YOU AN EXXAY QUEXTIUN: IN 25 WURDS MO O LESS, TELL UZ ME WHO AM DA MAN?

So dat we may give uh you yo cowrecked sco, sine yo tag here!

 

Just to test your knowlegde:

Why is HONEY golden in color?

A) Because of the Sun the flowers receive?

B) Because Flower Pollen is naturally Golden?

C) Because it's manufactured that way?

D) I don't know.

The answer may be found below.













A little lower...












Just a little lower now...

 

LMAO

 

One day there was a 97 year old woman, who wanted to commit suicide but unfortunately she did not know where her heart was.
So the old woman calls up her doctor and asked,''Where's my heart located?''
''On a woman, it's usually located under her left breast,'' the doctor replied.
The next day the woman was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with a gun shot wound to the knee.



Christmas in West Virginia

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack
Not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back.
The Skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care,
With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds,
While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake.
Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake.
When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard,
I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.
I ran to the door, like I's on a mission,
But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission.
The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin'.
Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'.
When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see
But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep.
With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick
I said, "Shoot Fire! That must be St. Nick!
More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came
And he belched and he hollered, and he called 'em by name.
Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS!
On FESTUS! On ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS!
From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins
Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away youins!
I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack.
Pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack.
He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog,
I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hog.
He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front,
And his jeans were all bloody from that morning's hunt.
A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm,
And he wore black boots that he'd picked up in 'Nam.
His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey.
From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky.
A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops.
The veins on his face looked ready to pop.
The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip
He wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips.
He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly.
I ain't seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly.
He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three
And I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me.
A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head,
From his hair came a rat that ran under the bed.
He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic,
Then filled the kid's stockings with Hooked on Phonics.
His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very nice
But he had lots of them and yuh can't beat the price.
He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells.
Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies,
And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size.
When the presents were gone and he had no more,
He staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door.
He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order
"Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!"
And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL... YEE HAWWWW!


Applying for a Job at the CIA

A few months ago, there was an opening with theCIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they brought the second man to the same doorand handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the roomwith tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the triggerand shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they only had the woman left to test.They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing,and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"

 

CNN Breaking News

It has been reported that Osama bin Laden was captured this morning at 4:22 AM Pacific Standard Time by US Special Forces.

The prime suspect of the recent terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in New York City, bin Laden was captured at gunpoint as he fled an underground passage in a remote mountainside of southern Afghanistan.

Northern Alliance troops, who witnessed the events unfold, explained that moments earlier United States war planes had sprayed liquid Viagra across the southern Afghanistan countryside, and the little p@ick just popped up!

 

Demon Babies

One day there was a woman who was about to have babies. She went to a fortune teller and the fortune teller said she would have twins -- and they would be demons. The news somehow got on TV, so there were FBI agents and cops in the hospital room where the woman was going to give birth. They had guns ready to shoot the babies when they came out. One of the babies stuck his head out and saw what was going on. So he stuck his head back in and told his brother. After hearing what was going to happen the second brother said, “Let's go out the back way.”

 

Farmer Joe and his Mule

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"
''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--''
''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.
''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"

 

Drivers Education Exam Answers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don't kill people. I do.”
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too sh*t-faced to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving. A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons.

 

What is a Computer Nerd?
A computer nerd powers on the computer, and while booting, runs through to the coffee pot and gets the coffee started. While the coffee is starting to brew, he runs back and begins the load of the editor/compiler/whatever. He then dashes back to the coffee pot and replaces the pot with his mug (you can recognize his mug, the glaze has been etched off the inside), and fidgets or hits a few more keys while the mug is filling with that first, high-impact slug. e probably drinks the entire thing before beginning work, because it's hard to edit a file before the screen comes into focus.

All in all, that first pot probably lasts an hour or until the end of the first edit session, whichever comes first. If the previous night was a late one, he may well munch on the grounds while brewing the second pot...

 

A man who traveled a great deal in his work had the odd hobby of frequenting cemeteries in his spare time. He had been to cemeteries all over the world and always with the same hope that he would discover the lost tomb of some famous person. While in Europe, he found a very old and ivy covered mausoleum. It had a moss encrusted name plate which he quickly began to scrape at with his pen knife. B...E...E...T...H... "Could it be?" he asked himself. Sure enough, it was the tomb of Beethoven. Though he knew he shouldn't, he couldn't resist opening the creaky, rusted iron door and peeking inside. In the chamber sat a very small, shriveled, gray haired man, sitting at a desk, paper in front of him, erasing furiously.
"What are you doing?" our awed explorer asked.

The old man didn't pause as he replied, "I'm decomposing."