Lets Paint The Kettle Black (2) Do You Have A Bitch ? Put On Your Rubbers And Wade In.

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 47 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the states of South Carolina, West Virginia and Arkansas were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!"


John Wayne Toilet Paper

An Indian walks into a trading post and asks for toilet paper. The clerk asks if he would like no name, Charmin, or White Cloud.
"White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper," says the Indian. "How much is it?"
"$1.00 a roll," the clerk replies.
"That seems pretty expensive," responds the Indian. "What about the others?"
"Charmin is $2.00 a roll and no name is 50 cents a roll."
The Indian doesn't have much money so he opts for the no name.
Within a few hours he is back at the trading post. "I have a name for the no name toilet paper," he announces to the clerk. "We shall call it John Wayne."
"Why?" asks the confused clerk.
"Cause it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no crap off an Indian."




What's dumb?
Directions on toilet paper.
What's dumber than that?
Reading them.
Even Dumber?
Reading them and learning something.
Dumbest of all?
Reading them and having to correct something that you've been doing wrong.

 

Lol nice. Do you know anybody that comes into the latter two categories?

 

those were really good i'm still LMAO

 

Did you know Pop Tarts have directions?

Have you ever looked at a Pop Tarts box carefully? They have directions on them! It would be funny to actually watch someone who needs on use them too because here are the steps:

1. Remove Pastry from Pouch
2. Place Pastry Vertically into toasting appliance on lightest or lowest setting.

Personally, I think if they are reading directions you shouldn't though the vertical concept at them. They might have an aneurysm or something.

3. Remove from toasting appliance
4. Let cool

The also have microwave directions if you can believe it; here are the microwave directions:

1. Remove Pastry from Pouch
2. Place in Microwave and shut the door.
3. Cook on High for 3 seconds.

If you have to micro-fry your pop-tarts before you leave for the day, you need to loosen up your schedule.

Peace

 

@Pop_Smth ... LMAO! That reminds me of an old room mate: it was his turn to cook supper and he made spaghetti. I went into the kitchen and he was actually using measuring cups to measure the water, those little spoons to measure the salt and some little circle thing on the back of the box to measure how much spaghetti to put in the pot! ...that's like following a recipe to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich LOL!

 

But you know what, If i was told to make spaghetti, I'd probably do that too, I don't east spaghetti, so how would I know?

 

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

Yep just thro stuff in there until it looks good and tastes right. Well that's my motto on cooking. NOW some things you might want to follow a recipe but NOT spaghetti. I've got a great recipe GERRY1 if you want it.

...gm

 

Fiesta Spaghetti



1. 16 ounces uncooked spaghetti
2. 2 tablespoons olive oil
3. 1/2 cup chopped onion
4. 1 medium red bell pepper, chopped
5. 1 pound lean ground beef
6. 1/3 cup sugar
7. 1 (1.25 ounce) package Old El Paso(R) Taco Seasoning Mix
8. 1 (28 ounce) can Progresso(R) crushed tomatoes, undrained
9. 1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
10. 1 (11 ounce) can Green Giant(R) Mexicorn(R) Whole Kernel Corn, Red and Green Peppers, drained
11. 1 (4.5 ounce) jar Green Giant(r) Sliced Mushrooms, drained
12. Grated Parmesan cheese (optional)



1. Cook spaghetti to desired doneness as directed on package. Drain; cover to keep warm.
2. Meanwhile, heat oil in 12-inch nonstick skillet over medium heat until hot. Add onion and bell pepper; cook 3 to 4 minutes or until tender, stirring occasionally. Remove from skillet. Add ground beef to same skillet; cook until thoroughly cooked, stirring frequently. Drain.
3. Add onion and bell pepper to ground beef; mix well. Add sugar, taco seasoning mix, tomatoes, tomato sauce, corn and mushrooms; mix well. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low; simmer 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Serve over spaghetti. Sprinkle with cheese.

Yield: 8 servings
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Cheese Spaghetti



1. 1 pound spaghetti
2. 1/4 cup butter
3. 1/4 cup milk
4. 1 pound diced processed American cheese
5. 1 teaspoon garlic powder
6. 1 teaspoon ground black pepper



1. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain. Return to pot over low heat. Stir in butter until melted. Stir in milk and cheese until melted and smooth. Season with garlic powder and pepper and serve.

Yield: 4 servings

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Old-Fashioned Spaghetti and Meatballs



1. 1/3 cup bulgur
2. 1/2 cup hot water
3. 4 ounces lean ground beef
4. 4 ounces hot Italian sausage
5. 1 medium onion, very finely chopped
6. 2 large egg whites, lightly beaten
7. 3 cloves garlic, very finely chopped
8. 1 teaspoon dried oregano
9. 1/2 teaspoon salt
10. 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
11. 1 cup fresh breadcrumbs, preferably whole wheat
12. 4 cups prepared marinara sauce
13. 1/2 cup slivered fresh basil leaves or chopped fresh parsley
14. 1 pound whole-wheat spaghetti or linguine
15. 1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan or Romano cheese



1. To prepare meatballs: Combine bulgur and water in a small bowl. Let stand until the bulgur is tender and the liquid is absorbed, about 30 minutes.
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Coat a rack with cooking spray and place it over a baking sheet lined with foil.
3. Combine ground beef, sausage, onion, egg whites, garlic, oregano, salt, pepper, breadcrumbs and the soaked bulgur in a large bowl; mix well. Form the mixture into 1-inch meatballs (about 24). Place the meatballs on the rack and bake for 25 minutes. Blot well with paper towel.
4. To prepare sauce & spaghetti: Put a large pot of lightly salted water on to boil. Bring sauce to a simmer in a Dutch oven. Add the meatballs to the sauce and simmer, covered, for 20 minutes. Stir in basil (or parsley).
5. Meanwhile, cook spaghetti (or linguine) until just tender, 8 to 10 minutes. Drain and transfer to a serving bowl. Top with the sauce and meatballs and serve with grated cheese.

Yield: 6 servings

ABOUT BULGUR WHEAT

Bulgur is a quick-cooking form of whole wheat that has been cleaned, parboiled, dried, ground into particles and sifted into distinct sizes. Sunnyland Mills' four distinct grind sizes as well as whole kernel provide different textures and cooking properties for a variety of food applications. The result is a nutritious, versatile wheat product with a pleasant, nut-like flavor and an extended shelf-life that allows it to be stored for long periods.

Often confused with cracked wheat, bulgur differs in that it has been pre-cooked. For a humorous cartoon description of the steps involved in making bulgur wheat, click here. In contrast to cracked wheat, bulgur is ready to eat with minimal cooking or, after soaking in water or broth, can be mixed with other ingredients without further cooking. Bulgur can be used in recipes calling for converted rice (and it's more nutritious than rice).

The many spellings of bulgur can be confusing too: bulgar, bulghur, burghul, just to name a few! But no matter how you spell it, Sunnyland Mill's product is still the same nutritious natural food.

For detailed color photos of Sunnyland Mills' bulgur wheat products visit our Product List page.


HOW TO USE BULGUR

Bulgur holds a place in recipes similar to rice or cous cous but with a higher nutritional value. Best known as an ingredient in tabouli salad, bulgur is also a tasty, low-fat ingredient in pilaf, soup, bakery goods, stuffing or casseroles. It is an ideal food in a vegetarian diet because of its nutritional value and versatility. It is excellent as a meat extender or meat substitute in vegetarian dishes, and is a component of many varieties of meatless burgers found on supermarket shelves everywhere.

Read more about how to use bulgur on our Uses & Function page and our cooking guide. We also have an outstanding searchable collection of recipes under Recipes. A few of the most delicious and unique of them are highlighted in the Featured Recipes and Tabbouleh Booklet sections.

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Chili Spaghetti



1. 1 pound ground beef
2. 1/2 cup chopped onion
3. 2 garlic cloves, minced
4. 3 cups tomato juice
5. 1 (16 ounce) can kidney beans, rinsed and drained
6. 6 ounces spaghetti, broken into 3-inch pieces
7. 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
8. 2 teaspoons chili powder
9. 1 teaspoon salt
10. 1/2 teaspoon pepper



1. In a skillet over medium heat, cook beef, onion and garlic until meat is no longer pink; drain. Transfer to a greased 2-1/2-qt. baking dish; stir in the remaining ingredients. Cover and bake at 350 degrees F for 65-70 minutes or until spaghetti is just tender. Let stand, covered, for 10 minutes.

Yield: 6 servings

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Chicken Chile Spaghetti

Vermicelli (Italian: ver-mih-CHEL-lee, lit. “little worms”) is a type of pasta, round in section and somewhat thinner than spaghetti.

1. 1 (2 to 3 pound) whole chicken
2. 12 ounces vermicelli pasta
3. 3/4 cup butter
4. 4 stalks celery, chopped
5. 1 clove garlic, minced
6. 1 onion, chopped
7. 1 green bell pepper, chopped
8. 2 (10 ounce) cans diced tomatoes with green chile peppers
9. 1 pound processed cheese, cubed
10. 2 (4.5 ounce) cans sliced mushrooms



1. Place whole chicken in large pot or Dutch oven and cover with water. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer 40 to 60 minutes, until tender. Remove chicken from pot, reserving broth. Skin and bone chicken; set meat aside.
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
3. Bring chicken broth to a boil. Stir in pasta and cook 8 to 10 minutes, until al dente. Remove pasta from pot and set aside.
4. In a large skillet over medium heat, melt butter. Cook celery, garlic, onion and bell pepper in butter until tender. Toss celery mixture with pasta, diced tomatoes and green chiles, processed cheese, sliced mushrooms and chicken meat. Place in 9x13 inch baking dish. Pour reserved chicken broth over to moisten.
5. Bake in preheated oven 20 minutes, until hot and bubbly.

Yield: 10 servings


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cheers
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@greensman ...SURE, send it over! You're right though, with some things, you really do need to follow the recipe and I just never learn !! Like chinese foor ... some of it is really easy to make and very fast but each and every time, I think something else would taste really good in it and I end up making this huge thing of crap LOL! I do it every damned time!

@Ireland ... I'm not into mexican food but I'm going to try that spaghetti and meatballs! (I had to google "bulgur" though ... didn't have a clue what that was).

I may well try the chili spaghetti too ... I said I don't like mexican food but chili is the exception to the rule (Chili is mexican, isn't it?)

 

gerry1 The only thing certain about the origins of chili is that it did not originate in Mexico. Charles Ramsdell, a writer from San Antonio in an article called San Antonio: An Historical and Pictorial Guide, wrote:

"Chili, as we know it in the U.S., cannot be found in Mexico today except in a few spots which cater to tourists. If chili had come from Mexico, it would still be there. For Mexicans, especially those of Indian ancestry, do not change their culinary customs from one generation, or even from one century, to another."

There are many legends and stories about where chili originated and it is generally thought, by most historians, that the earliest versions of chili were made by the very poorest people. J. C. Clopper, the first American known to have remarked about San Antonio's chili carne, wrote in 1926:

"When they have to pay for their meat in the market, a very little is made to suffice for a family; this is generally into a kind of hash with nearly as many peppers as there are pieces of meat - this is all stewed together."

If there is any doubt about what the Mexicans think about chili, the Diccionario de Mejicanismos, published in 1959, defines chili con carne as (roughly translated):

“detestable food passing itself off as Mexican, sold in the U.S. from Texas to New York.”


http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/Chili/ChiliHistory.htm

 

@Ireland ... I rather thought that it wouldn't be authentically mexican ... like some chinese food they've never heard of in china!

Damn, that guy was pretty harsh in what he thought about Chili! While I don't number it among my favorite foods, I rather enjoy it from time to time (when I'm in the mood for it as is the case with many dishes). It's also one of those foods where there are as many ways to make it as there are people eating ... like spaghetti sauce, clam chowder and others.

 

Never tried it but clam chowder sounds horrible.

Gerry, you got any pictures of yourself? Its just occured to me i have no idea what you look like.

 

billyboy you ain't lived until you had some GOOD clam chowder. You ever had potato soup (chowder) or corn chowder?? Just think of the clams added and give it a little "sea food" taste and there you have it. Yummy!!!!

AND why in the world would you want a pic of gerry1??? 1. Can a camera stand the sight of him....hehehe?? 2. The internet would slow with the shear size of the pic....lot's of "you know what" to put in one pic...hehehe (again) 3. He's French-Canadian.....scary people they are.... 4. NONE of us want to see gerry1.......we know where he works and the description of those people alone make me worry about gerry1......hahahaha....

...gm

gerry1.......I just had too..............

 

Gerrys so ugly he:

makes medicine sick

Makes onions cry

was put in a tinted incubator after birth.

 

There's hints of chuck norris about that, being able to slam a revolving door, sleeping with a pillow under his gun, that sort of thing!

 

Now ya all shouldn't be pickin on gerry so much.I thought about him this afternoon on the way back from the city stopped and had Chinese got time for the fortune cookie and remembered what he said didn't have my glasses couldn't read where it was made so passed it up.Now I look and irelands got chili recipes makin me hungry all over again since it's been a brisk day here. off to the store in the mornin to make up some chili for dinner tomorrow with a tad of spaghetti thrown in. greensman that tater soup is good unless ya ate it a lot like we did in my younger days. Chris

 

MOVE OVER, BRAD PITT ... I'm taking over and Angelina's coming with me!!



Handsome devil, aren't I? Pic is a bit old, my hair is shorter and the stash in gone but still look pretty much the same.

And here's one of you laughing at me:



Also, clam chowder is awesome! (for the people who brought "black pudding" into the world, you Brits shouldn't comment about what pleases the palate LMAO!!)

And Chris is absolute right, you guys shouldn't be picking on me! ** me sobs, cries and goes to bed with my bottle **

 

not bad, ger. you seem to be maturing fairly well.

 

ireland, great site for new xp computers, will definatly check further into it, not many sites selling new computers with xp on it, thanks.

gerry1, commend on your pic, hardly anybody has to balls to post thier own pick, its nice to place a face on whom your typing too all the time.

 

FredBun
b-4 vista crap i was getting bare bones microtel pc with xp for 500 dollars for the school and all i had to do was add a bigger hd,ram and a dvd burner,which cost me under 200 dollars per..they got 20