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Lets Paint The Kettle Black,Do You Have A Bitch On Whats Going On Around The Site Or Any Thing Negative To Report

Discussion in 'Safety valve' started by ireland, Mar 28, 2006.

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  1. Pop_Smith

    Pop_Smith Regular member

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    Well I may not be in a place to speak about this situation I would personally recommend you don't go "Ballistic" on your daughter. Sure, a grounding and sometime without a car sounds fair to you (and me too, I will admit) just don't blow it out of proportion as it might make her "run away" to her "useless" boyfriend again. I would first try and talk it over to see why she "ran away" to her boyfriend in the first place. Something may be going on that your not in on.
     
  2. ZippyDSM

    ZippyDSM Active member

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    I'm with Pop_Smith here, you need to analyze why she did it,you don't want her to dissaper in a year when she becoems 18, also love is a fickle thing so theres lil you can do for people when they are in love best to nudge and annoy her litely over it, in the end life will separate them or make them stronger so again work on why she left try and figure it out then try.

    If she can't handle basic rules that might be a problem (altho I doubt shes drinking and druging and coming home late at night).

    Helping her get to a point where she can live her own life as well as being kind and compassionate to her needs and tryign to find a balance in what she "needs" what the law requires and what you "need".

    Being too stern is liking using the rod to much all it dose it leave them broken and confused,but havign the rod on the wall never hurts :p (reasonable punishment for reasonable mistakes).

     
  3. Shado36

    Shado36 Guest

    I appreciate your advice but perhaps I should explain a few things. Her worthless boyfriend is not in our area so any phone calls are long distance, we used to have a contract with the phone company for unlimited long distance calls for $40 a month. She agreed that she would pay it, we do not need it ourselves. Bearing in mind she spends hours on the computer & phone talking b/s to him I really fail to see why she should have that facility when she agreed to pay for it and now is no longer working so is unable to paay for it. We are not a bloody charity! She will be 18 in a few months & she ddoes exactly what she wants to without any though or consideration for the rest of us. If she chooses to leave home then aas much as we will be worried about her she can go, she will damm soon see that the grass is not always greener on the other side! She will do exactly what she wants to & is quite happy to "screw" everyone else!
     
  4. ZippyDSM

    ZippyDSM Active member

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    *sigh* young ones can be difficult and even I see I am far far from growing up >>

    but the 2X4 of life shall be whacking her in the head sooner or later..lets hope sooner 0-o
     
  5. Shado36

    Shado36 Guest

    The thing that has upset my wife the most is the fact that she did not say anything to her (or me) about how much she dislikes the job! She bottles things up, she will not talk unless she is pretty much forced into it. She stays in her room 99% of the time when she is not at the boyfriends or on the computer. When we go out any distance in the car she just falls asleep! She is not interested in family activities even though we invite her, she is pretty damm anti social! She does not have what I would call any real friends & does not attend any clubs. Her attention span is very short and nothing (other than boys) seems to interest her for any length of time. For example she went to guides a few years ago for about a month then.........no more not interested!
     
  6. Shado36

    Shado36 Guest

    ZippyDSM.............thats exactly what worries us she is in for one hell of a wake up call but she will not listen!
     
  7. billybob

    billybob Regular member

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    Yeh no coffee on private bits as of yet haha. I keep getting tips of lots of old ladies ;) haha.

    I know my aesthetic glamour would come in handy somehow :p
     
  8. ZippyDSM

    ZippyDSM Active member

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    ------------------------------------
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    family can be difficult I tend to hide when the festivity's begin but then anything more than 4 people in a small area and I can overly stressed LOL

    Sounds like she has enough "small" issues to make her a nightmare as a teen,consoling might have helped but then again one can only do so much, grounding her to gain her interest wont work goign out of your way to understand her a might help but then again its a rough spot and any professional help could be too late ...if she manages to come home to stay see if counseling is a option,I really don't know if its in your aera or if you can afford it and such,even counseling is a 50/50.

    in any case good luck with it and remember to keep milk,she'll stray home when shes hungry :p
     
  9. Shado36

    Shado36 Guest

    ZIppyDSM, thanks for the input, I am going to leave it to my wife to decide when/if she comes home, I will support whatever decision she makes, but school will start again soon. We are going to see our doctor next week as we think that she may have ADHD to some degree but I guess she will have to be evaluated etc. We have also considered counselling BUT as far as we can tell she did not tell anyone about this job issue including her worthless boyfriend. I am not sure that counselling would work but its a thought but bearing in mind she does not talk to her family etc what makes anyone think that she would talk to a complete stranger? I hope the doc will advise!
     
  10. gerry1

    gerry1 Guest

    @shado36..

    If I understand correctly and she has moved out or run away, you may well be right on that one. Even if you move out of Mom and Dad's with a full time job and your parents' blessing; it isn't easy, even if everything else is going fine, to take that big step and make that adjustment.

    Shado36, sounds a hell of a lot like it could be either a depression problem or a drug problem ... both can cause withdrawl, lethargy and the inability to make clear and rational decisions. Are either of these a possibility?

    I certainly don't have any advice to offer and I'm sure its one hell of a complicated and heart-breaking situation for you and your wife. Pop_smith is certainly right though; with your wife in so much emotional distress (not that you're not) and with your daughter certainly having some sort life affecting problem, it seems like you're the one who must remain calm and objective which I'm is easier said than done; when you're into it up to your neck, it can be very difficult to see the forest for the trees. Do you have someone you can talk to who can see things from a more detached perspective?

     
  11. gerry1

    gerry1 Guest

    @billyboy...
    Hmmmm ... so you've become their boy-toy then? A little gigolo to bring a smile to their faces for tips ;)
     
  12. billybob

    billybob Regular member

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    Woah woah woah woah woah. how olds this girl? Sorry to be the idiot...but, isnt it natural around adolescence to want to be more independant and drift? I mean...look at me. Gerry can back that up.
     
  13. billybob

    billybob Regular member

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    LMAO gerry!! Ahaha. Im not complaining tho. Some sweet old ladyu gave me a "sweetie" the other day.

    bless. SO many regulars, they all know my name haha.
     
  14. Shado36

    Shado36 Guest



    Woah woah woah woah woah. how olds this girl? Sorry to be the idiot...but, isnt it natural around adolescence to want to be more independant and drift? I mean...look at me. Gerry can back that up.[/quote]

    She will be 18 in a few months! Yes u are right it is only natural to be more independant & drift BUT that is not the issue! She just quit her job without and consultation/advice from us! She was collected by her boyfriends mother who had no idea as to what she had done (until my wife spoke to her). There are other issues as well like being anti social, lazy etc but its this job thing that's really p**** us off! It shows a complete lack of responsibilty & consideration to say the least!
     
  15. Shado36

    Shado36 Guest

    Gerry.....short of my doc no I would not say that we do have anyone to talk to objectively. Neither of us have any other family here.
     
  16. gerry1

    gerry1 Guest

    Shado36 ... if you can afford it, why not make just one appointment with a psychologist or MSW (MSW is cheaper, psychiatrist is the wrong field) just to tell him/her the circumstances and get an outside opinion? Also, many clergymen/clergywomen are trained counselors who will work with you without the religion lectures (stay away from the fundamentalist crowd; most of them are religous fanatics who'll shove their religion down your throat and offer no practical advice). Some police departments also have professional counselors who will meet with someone of the general public if asked.
     
  17. gerry1

    gerry1 Guest

    My bitch of the evening: It's been a violent weekend in Philly. 22 unrelated shooting in the last twenty four hours. Seven are dead, four more won't make it. There was also one dead by stabbing. What a place! Well, can't say that nothing goes on in Philly!
     
  18. billybob

    billybob Regular member

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    I think...that....actually it doesnt matter. Not my place to say. Ciao
     
  19. Shado36

    Shado36 Guest

    MSW?? Don't know that one I am afraid. Philly does not seem to be a very safe place at the moment, wonder what caused all that to hit the fan?
     
  20. sammorris

    sammorris Senior member

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    My bitch of the month: Half of the UK's underwater after the worst weather I've seen in years, if not my lifetime. The good part is the flooding hasn't affected my area yet, just the weather's so damn depressing.
    Shado36: It's a difficult time, and you've already had excellent advice from the other members here. When it gets rough, try to stay calm and on top of things. When she returns (and she almost certainly will, quite soon I'd imagine) make it plain that you're happy to see her and deal with the punishment later on. Don't answer the door and go "Where the hell have you been?". I'm sure this much is obvious, but in the thick of the moment, it's difficult to remember all this.
     
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