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good morning all i am saying my morning prayer b-4 i start the day..

The Joy of Coffee

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
it leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
it leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal (tm):
for thou art with me;
thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the prescence of Juan Valdez:
thou anointest my day with pep;
my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the House of Maxwell for ever.

 

Careful Ireland! ...or it won't be ddp's lightening which striketh thee LOL!

 

gerry1
ye be Careful as ye bride sent to me about ye.
her morning prayer..
no lighning needed..


Why Coffee Is Better Than Men

* A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
* You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
* You can always warm coffee up.
* Coffee comes with endless refills.
* You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM.
* Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
* You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
* Coffee smells and tastes good.
* You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it'll be hot when you get back.
* They have coffee at police stations.
* You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
* No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
* A big cup or small cup? It doesn't matter. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.
* Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.
* Coffee doesn't take up half your bed.

 

gerry1,
also ye bride has proof ye must make the coffee


There were a wife and husband in bed snoozing in. They both wanted the other to get up and make coffee to start out the day.

Man: "Go make me coffee, I worked late last night"
Woman: "You make the coffee, I had to put up with the kids alone"
Man: "But I don't know how to make coffee"
Woman: "It's simple, read the directions on the coffee can"
Man: "But it is a women's job to make coffee in the morning"
Woman: "It says that men are supposed to make the coffee in the Bible"
Man: "Where?"

The woman gets up, pages through the bible, and finds the right page.

Woman: "Ha!, Right here, 'Hebrews' "

 

Ah, she knows me so well after all these years ... but her grounds ain't gettin' any younger either!

He he he .... love bible jokes ... I'm still the defiant catholic boy way down deep!

 

quote,jerry1
I have a real bitch this morning. We hired a high school kid in a business program to clerk for us under this youth summer jobs program. With all the layoffs, I was grateful for the help. She must have filed a couple of hundred client folders for us but .... SHE FILED BY THEIR FIRST NAMES!!! I need some valium.


gerry1 is this the girl ye hired for some office work


Blonde Coffee

A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee.

Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.

She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked.

The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."

"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "I'll have two regular, two black, and two decaf."
Send this j

 

LMAO!!

 

quote gerry1
love bible jokes


One day, heaven is beginning to fill up (of course due to the population explosion), so St. Peter decides to ask each person a question about the bible before they can enter. Three men stand at the pearly gates, waiting to get into heaven. "How many wise men were there?" St. Peter asks the first man. "Three." He answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open, and the first man enters.

"How long did the flood last?" St. Peter asks the second man. "Forty days and forty nights." He answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open and the second man enters. Seeing how easily the first two answered his trivia, St. Peter thinks of a much more difficult question for the second man. Finally, he asks, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam in the Garden?"

The man thinks and thinks, but can't come up with an answer. "Boy, that's a hard one," he finally says. And the trumpets blow, the gates open, and the last man enters heaven.


A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F@@k, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I f@@k’n missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh f@@k…" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "F@@K, I Missed".

 

lmao, too good ireland

 

Thanks gerry! Ill pay u of course. I have to go my sis is being a fool.

 

cor blimey you limeys, bitch bitch and more bitching, makes the world go round, i'm all bitched out

 

Us limees? I think Rav and i and i think permiggs are the onyl ones i know of around here that are from britain. LOl

 

ahhh right. Theres something i didnt no.

 

Is limmee meant to be offesive ...out of interest?

cause i think the term "yankee" offends, i was just wondering if limees was meant to be along the same lines. I know it originated from scruvy and cause alot of english were sailors....

 

rav009... Lethal_B..... whiteweeder
and yep it is an insult especially if it's coming from an Aus LOL

 

You forgot Tony Blair!