Paying homage to my AD Family....well sort of

man i love it you guys more and more this page is starting to take ff and i think that is great nothing better then to come back and see other people who admot to starting off like me can't wait to earn my junky status

 

This is a very good thread you started here Jamz, and hopefully we can uplift with the posts. But some of the things i think about, are not uplifting. I try not to be that way, but life is not like that either. Ive got some dark stuff wanting to get out, but its best not to probe that sleeping tiger with a sharp stick. Ill try to keep any dark/morbid stuff on my own homepage if i do any. Right now, i cant think of any to start, but i did want to say this is an enjoyable thread.

 

[bold]Leaping Forward[/bold]

0 – 60 mph in 2 seconds
We all crave the rush
It’s the ultimate in the human pursuit of life on the edge
Many have dedicated much of their life in the quest of this holy grail
And so many have made the ultimate sacrifice for this mirage
The paradox of course being the elaborate epitaph which is a static tribute to their misjudgment
Frankly, it demeans and enslaves their free spirit rather than celebrate their life

But I did yearn for a life on the edge
The sky was not the limit, hell no
I wanted it all..... and I wanted it now
It’s funny when you’re at the top
The only way to go....is down
There’s always an option
The express way or the long tortuous route
Often times more ‘torturous’ than ‘tortuous’
The silent interlude renders grandiosity to the thundering footsteps of a determined army of ants
And the enchanting wind whispering in my ear
I’ve always considered myself a purposeful person
Seizing every opportunity to sever any barriers that create segregation
Time is no longer relevant
As the sand has long been siphoned from the hour glass
The world around enters my thoughts in snapshots at a bizarre frame-rate
How?, why?, when?....did I get here

So now I am finally at the pinnacle
I have a choice, there’s always a choice
But I want to change this world
And change best starts from within
So I step forward and embrace the world
Ever wondered what it’s like to stare destiny in the face
It’s absolutely orgasmic
But even though there’s no greater feeling
It doesn’t last long and it saps you of all your vitality
Life is a kaleidoscope
But the colours you see are the ones you avail yourself of
For some, most everything is in black and white
While others know only shades of gray
For a select few though, the iridescence of the rainbow and the pot of gold is their birthright

Visualise this; a small boat sailing along a lake with the dark tinted glacier-like wall of a high-rise providing the claustrophobic background
As the boat moves there is a shimmering image which darts along as if moving in and out of this wall with a stealthy slither that convexes towards you and concaves away from you
This is the image I see in the dead pan eyes of the building that stares at me with a fixed gaze
With each concavity I see the silhouette of a fragile feeble frame with limbs flailing
With each convexity I see the remorse, the stifled screams, the pallor and mortal fear of my reflection
The frozen tears create a thin hazy film which distorts my already contorted face
It’s so true that light travels considerably faster than sound
For I see everything but I hear nothing that transpires within the hallowed portals of this glass mausoleum which observes my descent with alacrity

0 – 60 mph in 2 seconds
Ah....what a rush
It’s the stuff dreams are made of
Pinch me please, because I want to wake up
Never before have I had this amazing epiphany
And if I had to do it all again
Sure I’d have spiraled to my descent but via the ‘tortuous’ staircase
All my life there has been a Stalinist dogma about “spreading my wings”, “taking the plunge” and “leaping forward “
Well, I finally got to it
The irony is though
It got to me....finally


Copyright Jamzbond 2006

Disclaimer: This is just a thought provocative constellation of words which are not intended to encourage or aggrandise parasuicide or suicide. Anyone entertaining any form of suicidal ideations should seek help from their family, friends, Councillor, Priest, Psychologist or Psychiatrist. Whatever you might be going through, there is a solution which you might just not be able to see on your own. Be brave and ask for help. Someone may just be 'dying' to help you

 

very good work Jamz, loved it. a good read.

 

Jamz is talented, isn't he?

 

definately worth the read thanks for submission enjoy them every time

 

Hey guys, thanks very much. I've never written anything like this before so I'm curious to know the earliest point for each of you that you realized what it was all about. I was trying to hide it till the end but I just couldn't achieve that. Got to work on my suspense skills

 

[bold]FAMILY[/bold]

All humans are born with a family.
They are the ones anyone can see,
Just by looking up your genealogical tree.
You might even find them here on AD.
If you are lucky, sometimes you get another one.
These are not related by blood,
But they can be closer than a father to a son.
This new family is rarely a dud.
They are the type that will get dirty to pull you out of the mud.
Remember now, they are not related by blood.
If your new family is really tight,
They will be there with you, in any fight.
They will watch your back,
If any fools decide to attack.
Sometimes life decides you got a bad deal,
When the biological family you got was un-real.
Your new family can even be of another race.
Love knows no color of ones face.
The saying goes “You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family”
That may be, for the ones everyone can see.
For those lucky few, who wind up with a family anew,
We can all look on happily and say,
Finally life did it your way.

 

Terrific Max! Not only insightful but also oh so true. O.K., you guys are making me feel lazy so I'll work on something tomorrow...but bear in mind the words of my favorite theology professor "Gerry, if procratination were a virtue, you'd be first among the saints".

 

Max I give up. Yet again you've raised the bar. I wrote about suicide and you wrote about family. That's mean, that's just plain mean. Cut me some slack, will ya! Great stuff as always.
I still read your first one over and over again like the very first time. Ask me why and I prolly don't know, but I think it's coz the voices told me so,lol.

@Gerry
I see we share the same theology professor,lol.

 

Jamz, I didnt think i had another one in me. Looking at it though, its good to have balance. Yin/Yang. I had some deep dark ones i started to work on, but didnt want to tap into those feelings. Break that chain, and its gonna be hell to put it back on.

As far as suicide goes, i think in most cases, its the chickensh*t way to go. I mean, we all get to die, so whats the rush? Ive been there before, with a gun aimed at my own heart, hammer coming back,, . All over a woman. Luckally one of the good voices in my head said "You Dumbass!!" and im here writing to you. That was decades ago, but i still see it in my mind. And i thank that voice each time i remember. Sometimes voices in your head can be a good thing.

 

@MaxBurn...well I, for one, am grateful for the voices in your head Max. I never came as close as you but I too did have a lot of such thoughts long ago; I got into a nasty accident, had a lot of neurosurgey and I was in a lot of pain and couldn't move my right arm or leg...lord did I ever think about it but like you, I had the same voice telling me not to be a dumbass...I'm grateful for it today!! I still have voices in my head but they are of the harmless variety. I have a messiah complex you see...but I just walk around preaching and blessing people so it's harmless. I never can get the hang of the walking on water thing so just to be on the safe side, I practice in the bathtub so I won't drown. LOL!

 

@gerry1
I think the turning water into wine would come in more handy for me. And if you can make water turn to wine, you can probably make it turn into anything. Hey, catnip could be turned into some good herbs for humans, and ive got a lot of catnip growing in my backyard. Yeah, being a messiah would probably be cool for a little while. Until everyone wanted you to fix all their problems (or volunteer to get nailed to a cross). A nero log would be easy for you. You could even fix the hardware remotely. Change CMC into TYs now that would be a miracle.

I have sort of an understanding with the voices in my head. We get along, as no one is leaving. In the case i spoke about, the voice was from Bevis and Butthead, but in my own voice. And it was LOUD. I guess it had to yell to get thru all the noise in my head.
Mine is a harmless to others insanity. They may get a good laugh from something i say or do, but im not going to hurt anyone. Im more like half-crazy. Not enough to be commited, but not "normal" either.

You might have some visitor voices soon. I told mine that you liked the company and they could go visit you, maybe even meet new friends. I dont hear any of them leaving. They are always complaining about not getting to go anywhere, its too crowded in here, he's poking me,, etc.. and then they dont want to move when they have a free ride for their trip.

 

@Max...hmmm, I hadn't thought of that. Very well, then, I'll be a closeted Messiah so nobody can bother me if I'm not in the mood. When the urge strikes to go out amongst my fellow man, I can wear a costume like batman or something (what do you suppose a messiah superhero costume should look like LOL?) You're also right about the water into wine; I could sell it. Even a messiah has to make a living somehow.

Feel free to send the voices over; I'm a very hospitable guy and I love company!....Gerry

 

[bold]Sunny Day[/bold]

Today was a sunny day.
The sun sent a smile my way.
It could have come from any place,
This time it came from outer space.
For me, seeing the sun is a rare event,
For night people, time and space get bent.
Night becomes day, day becomes night.
Sometimes just seeing the sun, gives me a fright.
I live by the night, sleep during the day.
Time really just gets in my way.
The sun kept shining while I was asleep,
Even though thoughts of it thru my mind would creep.
We can all have a sunny day in our head,
No matter thoughts that may bring dread.
Let the sun shine thru.
It's smile might even put one on YOU.
I think we all have bouts of depression,
When just making it thru the day is a workout session.
When all you can think of are thoughts of gloom.
Let the sun shine in your head, in that very dark room.
A smile belongs on everyone’s face,
No matter the color, no matter the race.
The sun is sending a smile to you,
And it came all the way from outer space.
The least you could do, to say you are happy too,
Is to smile right back to the sun’s face.
Smile and send a laugh out to outer space.
The sun will be happy too,
And will send it's warmth right back to you.


3-31-2006

 

I am working on one but it is not finished. I will put it up here when it is done. I have to run off to work, and i was in the middle of it, but we will post no poem before it's time.. LOL

 

It took me longer than i thought because i lost my train of thought for a few months.. it happens. So ill just thow one together now.

Jamz wherever you are, hope all is well with you.


[bold]Spider Woman[/bold]

To me it seemed like any other day.
I was doing the same things, the same old way.
Then one day it hit me,
This life im leadin really don't fit me.

I used to have plans,
I used to be good with my hands.
I used to dream,
Of some of the weirdest things.
Now i sit here a shell of a man,
Cause i've been hanging around too much with my latest fan.
She was the jewel of the hour,
She was no shy wallflower.
She seemed to be covered in a radiant white light,
The source of which, i can't seem to remember where it came from tonight.
Perhaps it was from all the smoke,
As that night, i had way too many toke.
Her name was that of a creature,
That should have warned me this was going to be a horror feature.
You see, I would be playing the main part,
Of the fly caught in the web, stuck there by it's heart.
The audition was easy,
All i had to do was hand her my heart, without getting her too Greasy.
The rest was simple,
Turning my brain into a dimple.
Once a woman has my heart,
It's pretty easy to tear it apart.
Usually the ones with finesse,
Will have some fun with you, before your life becomes a mess.
It will go much easier if you just understand one thing,
They have you by the nose, pulling on that ring.
You can struggle, you can fight.
In the end, it wont matter this night.
She has you in her web, its nice and sticky,
Getting out is going to be more than a little tricky.

Walking in with eyes wide open, staring at that lovely body,
Noticing how she was a real hottie.
The first few webs you barely sense,
They are just in the way, like a picket fence.
Oh look, she sees you, and is coming your way.
She has noticed all that strugling you do, pehaps she has something to say.
Our lips embrace, bodies hugging squeezing in place.
Then i notice those are not lips on my face.
Her teeth are so white and sharp,
And they are injecting venom, playing my body like a harp.
And that embrace, more like a hug,
Is actually her arms, grabing me like a thug.
Oh no, that's why she is so strong,
She has 8 arms, and all of them are long.
Im trapped now, it's to late to run.
It's going to be a long night, and she will have all the fun.
My part has been played,
By a man hoping to get layed.
Or that of a moth attracted to a flame.
I know that excuse is pretty lame.

I used to have plans,
I used to be good with my hands.
I used to dream,
Of some of the weirdest things.
Now i sit here a shell of a man,
Cause i've been hanging around too much with my latest fan.
I will shut up now and play out my part,
As the venom slowly dissolves my broken heart.


Maxburn 11-10-2006

 

So any of you know how hard it is to find words that rhyme with Auslander? That will actually make sense, I know German and English and yet I cant find a single word that rhymes with Auslander.

PS:
-Auslander, you said your name means outsider, It actually means foreigner... so ha! Or of foreign countries, and you can count my 5 years of speaking German on that.

 

how about highlander, islander, panhandler(my favorite), lunar lander,

slander, gander, handler, manhandler, philander, sander, just a few.

NiCHt you do speak English? LOL

 

Outsider is the same thing as foreiner(Spelling).........So hes not really wrong in a way