Where Did All The Old Timers Go, A Public Meeting Place For Open Discussion

A little girl was sitting on gerry1 lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, gerry1, did God make you?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

"Oh," she paused, "gerry1, did God make me too?"

"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

 

LMAO!

 

A MESSAGE FROM GOD



A man is driving along the interstate out of Maine. He's got two hours to get to an important business conference in New Hampshire. All of a sudden, he's really hungry. He pulls over to the nearest fast food joint he sees. He orders a huge meal from the drive-through, and continues on his way.

After a little while, nature calls. The man, not wanting to "go" in the forest, looks around desperately for a building with a bathroom. He's really got to take a crap. Suddenly, he sees this small, run-down old church. He thinks, "Great, they'll have a bathroom."

He pulls over, and runs into the lobby. It's deserted, and he can't see a bathroom anywhere. He runs into the sanctuary. He sees a praying woman.

"Where's the bathroom?" he asks.

"Shh! Down the hall, third right." So the man runs down the hall. In his pain, however, he takes the third left, instead. He rips the door open. It's a hole in the wall! He thinks, "Oh well, it's better than nothing."

In the basement below, a preacher is praying at his private alter, "What will god give us today?" The preacher holds up his hand, reaching up to heaven through his heaven-hole in the wall.

PLOP!!

"Oh. Well, if that's how he's feeling today, well, so be it. What will god say to us today?" He stretches his ear up to heaven.

"Dammit, where's the toilet paper?"

 

DONATIONS, PLEASE



Bob found himself amid a crush of excited people in the lobby of his office building. He started to fight his way to the front of the crowd when he ran into a co-worker.

"What's going on?" Bob asked.

"Some religious nut's in the elevator," said his colleague. "The fanatic's soaked himself in gasoline, and he's threatening to set himself on fire. I'm taking up a collection for him. Want to donate?"

"Sure," said Bob. "How much have you collected so far?"

His friend replied, "Eight books of matches and six lighters."

 

Lord I love religious jokes LOL! Well, good night Ireland and everyone! Off to dinner with a friend and an early turn in!

 

Hope ya had fun gerry

Hey all. I have an english exam tomorrow oh gooddD!!

 

I like english.. thinking about doing it for degree.. Lol.

Kinda wishing my life away though, I still have a year of GCSEs left

 

good morning all

this is for gerry1
http://npmusic.org/Dennis_McGee_and_Sady_Courville_Happy_Two_Step.mp3

http://npmusic.org/Joe_Falcon_Cleoma_Breaux_Falcon_Catahoula_Stomp.mp3

 

Thanks Ireland! I'll check them out when I get home...my office computer will get a hernia if I try to listen to them here LOL!

 

i will say this again
this thread has a problem,
when the thread gos to the next page the last poster post will not show..........

 

Yeah, I had that problem too ireland. :/

 

Maybe it's all the "bitchin" that's screwed it up!!!????

LMAO!
{;o)

 

Ripper, i can do both, i just detest english literature.

 

i found them,i found them,i found the old timers
look

 

@billyboy...

Now that is unfortunate. That piece you sent me was quite good and the best way to learn writing is to read well written material and to practice with a journal or short stories. No one writes like the Brits! I'm an avid reader ... particularly of horror, occult novels etc. I always look for British authors; with a few notable exceptions, American authors suck ... some are good "story tellers" like Ann Rice, but they just can't turn a sentence like a british author.

Edit: I put my second bitch of the day in the wrong thread but what the hell, I guess I'll leave it!

Second bitch of the day: I was in center city on my lunch break and went to one of these fancy high end audio/video stores. They had these special seats for gaming that are close to the floor with sound systems built right in etc. I was curious about the sound system so I tried one and couldn't get out; one of the salesmen had to help me. Damn embarrassing!

 

That's cos it's the harder one, isn't it!

Well, at least I think it's that way round

 

@ Ripper.

No not at all..... literature just requires you to be able to write VERY fast, pick out a load of useless meaningless crap from some rubbishly written piece of writing, and manipulate it into something cheesey that its not meant to mean, then comment on it.

Like i said, i can do English language AND English literature, i just prefer Language because it requires creativity, and thats where my creativity lies.


@Gerry.

In our school curriculum, there are two different exam papers giving us two different qualifications. One paper is English Literature, where you have to study poems and very short stories, then answer an exam question by writing an essay about the question.

Thats the one i hate, because its pointless and exaggerated.


Then theres English language, where you have to do a piece of writing, painting a brilliant beautiful canvas only with words on a piece of paper, descriptions, vivid imagery, everything. Brilliant. I love that. Thats like the piece i sent you.

 

Well, I don't feel that is in any way harder, I was just saying, that for reasons you just stated, it is sometimes looked upon as the "harder" of the two..

I'm not a massive fan of analysing texts though (it depends what text, I suppose). I, too, prefer the more creative aspects of english but I have come to learn that it's all part of the course, it seems.. At the mo we're writing an analytical essay on Romeo and Juliet which counts for 5% of both my Lang. and Lit. GCSEs.. Not the best, but it is better than my last analytical essay text, which was Dracula - Eugh, so boring.

I've been quite lucky to have good english teachers all through my school life though (with the exception of Year 7) which has helped.

 

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! Free coffee and muffins for all on this fine morning:

 

Good Morning gerry1 and all. Hope all went well with you at the doctors. Chris