Where Did All The Old Timers Go, A Public Meeting Place For Open Discussion

HAHAHA. Oh my goodness, i love you guys.

You n greensman.

 

Jesus and Politics

A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He went over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, honey! How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Miller Light!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?"

The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. "On my bill," he said. As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me. I'm collecting disability!!"

 

1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your mother.
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2) How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.
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3) What's the difference between a bit@h and a w@ore?

A w@ore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bit@h sleeps with
everybody at the party except you.
____________________________________________

4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

____________________________________________

5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
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6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
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7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.
____________________________________________

8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's arse?

A mechanic .
____________________________________________

9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
____________________________________________

10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

The one who can eat that last donut.
____________________________________________

11) Jewish dilemma:

Free PORK.
____________________________________________

12) The three words men hate to hear most during sex:

"Are you in?"
______________________________________ ______

13) The three words women hate to hear most during sex:

"Honey, I'm home!"

 

n what billyboy??

n da house?

n my chair?

n yo face?

ne way let me know what your referring to!!!

...gm

Good evening all............

 

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life — WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Daily Thought:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. THEY'RE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.

 

Evening all ireland your hot today I've been sittin here chucklin and goin back to them jokes over and over. Chris

 

Good morning all! Chris

 

GOOD MORNING





A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later, the same Irishman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.

"Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says "Yes," and he asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness.

Immediately, the Irishman tears into all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks,

"If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

 

Southern Thinking: Or you could be in TEXAS!


Georgia:
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied,
"Everything but my earrings."

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Alabama:
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked..
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied."
You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter.
"But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

***************************************************************< /U>
Louisiana:
A senior at Louisiana was overheard saying...
"When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana."
When asked why, he replied "he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world..

***************************************************************
Mississippi:
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?
"The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

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Tennessee:
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

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North Carolina:
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it either."

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And My favorite:
You can say what you want about the South,
But you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North...

 

And by gawd, that's just the way we like it down here. The North won the Civil War, but took the wrong half. LOL

 

@Ireland ... LMAO!! You're on a hell of a roll!

I'll have to pass that one around the office where we have catholic and jewish wives aplenty! (with a sense of humor)

 

Amen Brother Garmoon, Amen

 

Nice jokes there.

 

the southern jokes are very timely, seeing as i recently moved to a Southern state just a few months back. (actually you could call it escaping to the South LOL) FL ain't considered the South. West coast of FL is as left as San Francisco...

 

Too bad for the tourists, the South ends in Northern Florida. Good service, but it's similar to a NY bellboy holding out his hand. I enjoy good Southern hospitality. Naturally the service personnel appreciate a good tip, but they don't solicit as much and you get the "ya'all come back" whether you paid extra or not. I'll agree, the North got the short end of the stick on real estate (with some minor exceptions, New England has some nice scenery).

 

Howdy all..

I'm pretty new here; thought I'd say "hi".

 

Ah, the very response I was looking for.. Lol