Where Did All The Old Timers Go, A Public Meeting Place For Open Discussion

At least we can talk about the hairy little ape....hehehe. We love you Neph if you read this.

.....gm

 

actually i havent been to that thread in a while will have to put my 2 cents in on his nice * next to his 756 homerun ball....

ill save it for that thread i got a lot ot add. dont wanna get going here...brb..lmao

 

I didn't take it personal for a second. Everyone is allowed their opinion. I think I expressed why I have mine on that issue. I respect your point of view as well. I don't expect everyone to think and feel the same as I do.

 

im glad no one has my point of views.... id feel sorry for the world if they did...lol

hey its a great day to be alive.

 

LOL No comment.

 

Hi All droppin in with some food for thought
Best advice of the day!


As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, and in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap!

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service Chris

 

was just sent this in a e-mail


We've all see this before but it's worth passing around again!

Italians have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the
basement to cook.

There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, bedroom,
front porch and backyard. The living room is filled with old wedding favors
with poofy net bows and stale almonds (they are too pretty to open).

A portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra hang in the dining room.

God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat Chef Boy-are-dee,
Franco-American, Ragu, Prego or anything else in a jar or can (tomato paste
is the exception).

Meatballs are made with Pork, Veal and Beef. We are Italians we don't care
about cholesterol.

Turkey is served on Thanksgiving, AFTER the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna and
soup.

If anyone EVER says ESCAROLE, slap 'em in the face - it's SHKA-DOLE.

If they ever say ITALIAN WEDDING SOUP, let the idiot know that there is no
wedding, nor is there an Italian in the soup, nor has any Italian EVER seen
this soup served at a wedding! Also, the tiny meatballs must be made by
hand.

No matter how hard you know you were going to get smacked, you still came
home from church after communion, you stuck half a loaf of bread in the
sauce pot, snuck out a fried meatball and chowed down so you'll make up for
it next week at confession.

Sunday dinner was at 1:00. The meal went like this...

Table is set with everyday dishes...doesn't matter if they don't
match...they're clean, What more do you want? All the utensils go on the
right side of the plate and the napkin goes on the left. Put a clean kitchen
towel at Nonno & Papa's plate because they won't use napkins Homemade wine
and bottles of 7-Up are on the table.

First course, Antipasto...change plates. Next, Macaroni (Nonna called all
spaghetti and variants like Rigatonis macaroni)...change plates. After that,
Roasted Meats, Roasted Potatoes, Over-cooked Vegetables... change plates.
THE salad - and only then (NEVER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL) - would you
eat the salad (HOMEMADE OIL & VINEGAR DRESSING ONLY)... change plates.

Next, Fruit & Nuts - in the shell (on paper plates because you ran out of
the other ones). Coffee with Anisette (Espresso for Nonno, "Mexican" coffee
for the rest) with hard cookies (Biscotti's) to dip in the coffee. The kids
go play...the men go to lie down. They slept so soundly you could do brain
surgery on them without anesthesia... the women clean the kitchen. Getting
screamed at by Mom or Nonna - half the sentence was English, the other half
Italian.

Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but can nail you in
the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen while you're in the living
room.

Prom Dress that Zia Ceserina made you.. $20.00 for material. Prom hair-do
from Cousin Angela... Free. Turning around at prom to see your entire family
(including godparents) standing in the back of the gym... PRICELESS!

The true Italians will love this, those of you who are married to Italians
will understand this, and those of you who are friends with Italians will
remember and will forward it to their Italian friends.

 

@Chris...

I've got to look that one up; did Franklin really say that LOL? I've got to buy a book of Franklin quotes one of these days ... he was about as clever as they get. I get a kick out of it when people portray the founding fathers as saints when the exact opposite was true! Adams was a serious drunk, Jefferson had a whole harem of black slave girls, Hamilton loved to duel for the slightest reason and kill people (until he finally lost one and got killed by the vice president of the U.S LOL!) etc.etc., Franklin, was the most debauched of them all and today, he'd be in jail with a life sentence LOL! He had a taste for pubescent girls which got him into all sorts of hot water in France! He was a saboteur against the brits, loved to humiliate them more than kill them, hung and burnt the british union jack and effigies of King George, heaved horse-sh$% from sling shots at the british troops with his rowdy buddies etc. He was quite the prankster. The founding fathers were political genuises but hardly the "Holy Joe's" that some would have us believe LOL! Someone should make a "factual" movie about them; it would be heavy drama, side splitting comedy and I think give everyone a healthy respect for those always portrayed as a bunch of stuffed shirts! (I used the play the organ at "St Steven's Episcopal Church" built on the land where he flew that famous kite LOL).

@Ireland ... you're piece about the more traditional (older world) Italians was hysterical and couldn't be more true! I was born and at least partially raised in Rhode Island which is the only "Cathoic" state in the country and a lot of fellow seminarians were Italian (the older of the male children become the family patriarch while the youngest becomes a priest .. whether he liked it or not...and became the confessor of his older brothers and their friends to maintain not only secrecy (in certain families) as well as their place in heaven thus killing two birds with one stone LOL! When I was a kid, a nun told me that, being omniscient, Jesus never laughed because he knew all the punchlines LOL!

 

ENJOY


For those who thought the hardest part of Physics 101 was the constant conversion from MKS or CGS units to English units, here are some useful English system conversions:-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line (think about it for a moment)
453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
365.25 days: 1 unicycle
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds (work on it....)
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
100 rations: 1 C-ration
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

 

Zachary Disease

There was this woman who was desperate to meet a companion. She went to single bars, singles dances etc., but she could never meet anyone who would go on a date with her, much less sleep with her. So in her desperation she went to see a sex doctor, named Dr. Chang.

She asked Dr. Chang, "Doctor, please help me find out what's wrong with me!"

So Dr. Chang said, "Take off all yur cwothes."

So she did.

Then he said, "Now, get on yur hands and knees and crawl wreal fas away from me, ten craw wreal fas back to me."

So the young lady did.

Dr. Chang looked at her said, "You got wreal bad case of Zachary disease."

The lady asked, "What's that?"

Dr. Chang replied, "That's wen yur face lok zachary like yur arse".


The Top 16 Chapters in "Sex for Dummies"

16. Evolution 101: Why Dummies Might Actually Make Poor
Sex Partners

15. Troubleshooting for Do-It-Yourselfers (NOTE:
Memorize this chapter *before* you go blind.)

14. Oh, God! Yes!! Oh, God! OH, GOD!!!: The Missionary
Position

13. Am I a Tab A or a Slot B?

12. Engineering Secrets of the Bra: Removal in 14
Simple Steps

11. The Face: How to Tell Your Lover Apart from All
Those Other People

10. Chapter 4: No, You Don't *Actually* Blow

9. Stop Masturbating, She's Real!

8. You're Britney, I'm Strom: Introduction to Role
Playing

7. Foreplay: Not Just for Her Birthday, Chester

6. Putting the Condom on a Banana is Just for
*Practice*, Dumbass

5. Crouching Doggie and Hidden Missionary: A Guide to
Sexual Positions

4. "Alternate" Lifestyles: Pokeman?

3. Hey! Watch Those Teeth, Vampira!!

2. Sexual Physics: The Round Peg/Round Hole Theory

and the Number 1 Chapter in "Sex for Dummies"...

Chapter 1: Mayor McWeiner and the Clamburglar

 

Computer Jokes: Dear God.

Computer Jokes: Dear God.

Dear God,
Yesterday was an awful day for me......
My husband ran off with his secretary,
My son pierced his eyebrow,
My daughter tattooed the bald spot on her head,
My dog mated with the neighbors cat,
My neighbor sold her house to a mental institution,
My Mom told me I was adopted,
My boss told me I was laid off,
My sister was arrested for prostitution,
My house has termites,
My car was stolen,
All that came in the mail was bills,
A plane crash landed on my garage,
OJ Simpson came to my door selling rug cleaner,
And my TV blew.

Lord, please be with me today. I was able to live through all that misery yesterday. And I will be able to make it through anything today!! But please.... DON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER!!!!


Computer Jokes: If Only Life Could Be Like A Computer.

If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend". Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you lose your car keys, click on "find".

"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your diskette to recover from a crash.

We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.

To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".

Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.

To undo a mistake, click on "back".

Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".

If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".

 

Can you just post the links, please?

 

Rav, we love pages of cluttered junk to scroll down past.

Lol @ abuse going on in Mugshots thread.

 

Hey Loco. Right, I won't ask because I know where it'll go, hehe. And thanks for reminding me about that thread there. I'm doing a sponsored Cancer Awareness 'Think Pink' at the mo so yes, pink hair! I'd rather the long awaited post of my mugshot not be the one where I look as camp as a row of tents.

Hehe, I thought as much my esteemed brother in arms.

And if you think that's abuse, mate, you should see what we used to do to n00b's. Good memories...

 

Yeah, you're right, this place used to be great little under a year and a half ago.. And heh, what ever happened to the wolves?

Edit: Check your shoutbox Rav.

Edit2:

 

Well, yeah..
http://forums.afterdawn.com/thread_view.cfm/569833