Where Did All The Old Timers Go, A Public Meeting Place For Open Discussion

gerry1, oh man, don't even get me started about the badlands, for almost 15 years I spend half my life there, I know a little about you, your pain problems, I always say I dont post much but read everything.

I know people might say oh I cant beleive he is saying this but I really don't care, playing soccer for years, paratropping in the service, two years in vietnam and 30 years roofing destroyed my body, late in my 40's started with hip replacements, shoulder arms hands and knee surgeries really took a toll.

Got on pain meds, had to, no way could have worked without them, and the strongest ones you could get, doc,s would say why dont you re-educate yourself, yeah right and who is gonna pay for my schooling, I sucked in school anyway and who will pay the bills while I do so, so easy for them to say, besides being a union roofer the pay and the bennies were great, and with 3 handicapped kids you dont wanna be without bennies.

Anyway, after pills didnt work anymore I resorted to herion, and thats were the badlands come in, and no I wasnt a scumbag addict, I kept it a secret, never stole, cheated or lied to anyone besides keeping my addiction a secret, nobody besides my wife never knew, my kids were never hungry, my bills were always paid and it took a lot of side jobs to do it, just not being able to afford a better education for my kids is what tears me appart the most.

I never got arrested, never missed a days work and never got into any accidents, I know it might be hard to beleive but I was fortunate, hooping around in the badlands for 15 years was a second job so to speak, and that was a nightmare, as a white guy driving around and walking there how I never got busted or beat up I don't know, I guess somebody was watching over me, being raised around there was the big picture, your street smart before you walk.

And yes being white you might as well walk around with a big red flag there, the cops are not stupid, it was all cat and mouse and luck. I got two kids in colledge the 3rd is to severe to go to school, but they all love daddy and I kiss the bearded guy upstairs for it, things could have been a lot worse I guess.

I got clean 7 years ago and stayed that way ever since, do I have regrets, yes and no, without that crap I would never have worked in construction, that I dont regret, the money I spend in buying it is my regret, it was a no win game, I wish I had a more academic mind I could write a book about the escapades in the badlands, the horrors Ive been thru and seen, but, whatever, its over its a new day. I dont mind sharing it, especially let it be a lesson to the young ones, STAY IN SCHOOL, be a geek, being cool tuff or stupid doesnt pay bills.

 

thanks creaky

 

pacman, yeah I just noticed that, but how come I only see my posts with the letter and pen, everybody else has a little persons head, oh oh, am I in trouble or something, like my dad use to say when we played checkers after he would corner me, your in the craphouse son lol.

 

@Fred ... if your still working and it's in a field that contributes to physical and would like to learn a different skill, it quite "doable" under those conditions. If that is the case, PM me and I can make some calls to the guy with my position in Delaware county ... we frequently work with "professional courtesies" ...especially in an adjacent county where "you scratch my back and I'll scratch your's is a frequent way of doing business!) PM me if this is something that would benefit you.

Your occasionl opinions of Philly and love for firearms now makes a whole lot of sense LOL!

 

@Fred ... LMAO!! Are you sure you're clean LOL!

 

Very commendable I must say, many people are not strong enough to overcome their addictions and begin anew, rather fall into a never ending spiral of pain and abuse (like my aunt). Respect.

/me runs back into the shadows and continues lurking.

 

@FredBun

The others don't have a little pad and pen because you're not allowed to edit someone else's post. There were places in NO before Katrina that black policemen refused to go into. LOL good stories.

@gerry

Now you have to post the picture. If it's a public statue it can't be obscene by definition.

 

@Garmoon ... indeed I will then, it really is hysterical and cannot have been done by accident; I just don't believe that LOL!

@svtstang and Fredbun... Fred probably would never have had to go through that if he'd had a doctor what knew how to treat chronic pain. It isn't treated the way you'd treat post surgical pain for a week or two after an operation when the pain eventually diminishes but "chronic pain" NEVER stops... a little better or a little worse at times but it just never stops and it never will. Very few doctors know how to treat them and it's the patient that suffers both physically and you can bet, emotionally. I didn't go the heroine route, rather, I did the best I could during the day and drank just short of a quart of vodka every night between 6:30 and 9:00 and did this for years! (I don't even like the taste of the crap; I'd mix a whole 12 oz glass of ice, fill to the brim with vodka, and block my noze and drink three quaters of it waiting for that one huge swallow to take effect before I could take any more). I did this simply to be able to sleep; I'd literally go for days without sleep until I passed out for twenty mins or so. It does nothing during the day (but I did not work construction as I'd have been in traction the moment I put the hard hat on LOL) but I can't begin to describe how aweful it was; even if one in NOT suicidal, which I wasn't, I tell how quite honestly that I prayed every night that I just die in peace and not wake up in the morning. We have a lot of heart disease in my family and I'D PRAY FOR A HEART ATTACK AND DIE LIKE MY BROTHER! How sick is that? ...its sure no way to live and the overwhelming majority of doctors don't know how to treat it so the person suffers something aweful. The worst part is, it's not necessary and both of us went through all that for nothing. It may have taken me fifteen years to find the damned place but one doctor finally referred me to a place that deals with nothing but neurosurgical pain. (I'd been to pain clinics before but most are really bogus operations). I still hurt a lot 24/7 and I always will, but there are ways to help it a lot even if you can't get rid of it, there are ways to make it much more tolerable. I take narcotics on a stady schedule to keep the pain at bay (bey?). And yes, I take stuff that could bring down a moose but that "high" effect goes away and it makes it much easier to function. Am I addicted to narcotics? ...the answer to that one is yes, to a degree. If I forget them when I've gone somewhere and have to go without, I admit that I get jittery; but no buttfly nets needed! No booze needed. So too, I've got meds of various potencies. I've been on this planned approach for twelve years now and it's awsome though I sometime could go back and shoot those doctors who would simply say "Well naturally you're in pain, look at your medical and surgical history ... YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE IN PAIN ... and there's nothing we can do about it." Pisser is, it just isn't true.

There is one very big danger that they warn you about all the damned time as well they should; on pain management plans, you're dealing with serious drugs; stay with the plan and you're fine ... abuse the stuff and what will happen is that you become a big time addict without the pills to support it, and abusing it a little further like chewing a time released narcotic will kill you in a heartbeat. There are ways but there are serious boundries which can kill you if you cross them.

 

ddp, I pm'd myself, dont know if anything different will happin, but I gave it shot.

gerry1, lol, yes gerry I'm sure, beleive me I don't ever wanna go thru with that again, actually the worse time in my life was when I got clean, it took a month before I could even get out of bed, if anybody tells you that an opiate withdrawl is like having a bad flu, you can tell them to go stick it, I'd rather stick needles in my eye like Nicholson said once in a movie.

If you can imagine a months worth of hardly any sleep, shakes, paranoia, cold and hot sweats, loss of all bodily fuctions like nose running, tearing, thrashing, sneezing, pukeing, craping peeing all at the same time, and thats not once in a while, I'm talking constant for a month, especially the first two weeks, and everybody doesn't understand why most people relapse, it aint no joke, there's only sure cure, don't ever start.

I finally made it because of shear determination and help, and when my body just could'nt take anymore drug use and without it I knew I coud'nt work anymore, I applied for SSD and got it within 3 months, most of friends asked how in the hell did you get approved so fast, they didnt know it was the drugs that kept my body going not myself, when all those doc's examined me they asked how in the hell where you able to go up a latter with your condition, lotta script drugs doc, which of course those really didn't help anymore and was to ashamed to tell the real truth.

But all thats over now, so no gerry I don't work anymore, I get SSD and the little pension from my union, I'm 60 now so it was gonna happin soon anyway, times are hard but I'm happy, I do go regulary to my union hall and try to counsel all the youngins in my union, you guys would not beleive how many of them in the construction trade are hooked or abusing, listening from a drug vet like myself they do tend to listen more, if I can convince one than my little hobby is successful. I can never down anybody using because of pain, I can undesrstand cause I went thru it, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, but to get high, thats a no no.

Anyway gerry, thank you so much for your offer, I appreciate it big time, but of course I'm not working anymore, I do miss the pay and the bennies but could'nt even if I wanted to. I do keep myself busy as often as I can, a little yard work, time with the kids, and yes the computer, thats what keeps me sane.

And my goal with whatever I have left, is to try and master it, and when I say master I don't mean geek stuff, I use baseball terms to explain, if I can reach 2nd base I'll be thrilled, I remember entering the stadium, talk about bieng computer stupid, than was stuck in the dugout for the longest time, and maybe, just maybe I think I reached first base, getting to third, forget it, and reaching the plate, I'm not fooling myself, thats geek MIT stuff lol, second is my goal, I'll be happy. And with that goal, what I really want to do is build my own computer someday, and I will if it kills me.

Right now I nned to get most basic stuff, hell I still can't even figure out how to post a picture on these threads, even had help from guys like greensman and pacman pm,ing me god bless them but I still could'nt figure it out and don't want to keep asking and turn out to be a pain in the ass, but I'll get it sooner or later.

My oldest boy got accepted to RIT (Rochester Institute of Technolgy), its an amazing place, oh and almost forgot, anybody remember that kid that cracked the I Phone thingamajeg, hell he made the national news, he's in the same dorm as my kid, I told my Billy to bring him home one day and I'll kidnapp him lol, I'm not a reading instruction kinda guy, I'll read all day and get no where, show me once and I got it, its frustrating, I can build you a house with my eyes closed but can't crack this little box called the PC.

Anyway my boy e-mailed me and said he built his first computer in school, with school instructers there of course, but still was I proud, said to him good now get your ass home and show me lol, he said figuring out where all the wires go was pretty tuff, but the hardest was figuring out the binery, I said what, he said Dad its all those I's and O's or 1 and zero's whatever the hell all that means, told him don't even try to explain that to me. He's taking up hardware and software but really wants to get into corperate network security, I said good for you Billy, you got enough spammers and hackers out there that will keep you busy for a long time.

Oh gerry I think you got me confused with somebody else about me liking weapons, thier cool if thats your thing, being in the service and all the years of hunting I've kinda had enough, Ive sold all my arms a long time ago, just kept a nine in the house for the old protection excuse, other than that, the computer is my thing.

Wow I typed enough, my hands are shaking, good chating with you, will definatly catch you later.

 

gerry I just read your post, beleive me my friend, your not telling me anything I already don't know or havent been thru, the doctors, man what a joke, I dont have time now to go there, but I will tell you about them later, and drug counselors, if one tried to talk to me that wasn't an x addict I would tell him to get out my face, reading books teaches you nothing, all thier stupid theories I would laugh in thier face, I just say give me somebody thats been in the trenches than we'll have a sit down.

And yes gerry, you do what you gotta do to keep pain free and sane, stay on schedual, its when people go off it is when the shit hits the fan, and don't ever let anybody downgrade you cause of your use, nobody understands 24/7 pain unless they have been there. More than half of my fellow construction workers my age are taking something, they just want to function and work, and most that stay on schedual do fine. OK gotta go.

 

@Fred
If you want to learn to post a picture, type insert picture into post
in the search thread or look in digital photography forum. I just
learned how to do that. Ihoe did a fantastic step by step guide for
me.
It's great that you are putting your experiences to positive use.
People don't always understand when they haven't walked in your
shoes. Pain 24/7 is one of the worst things a person can deal with.
Glad things are going well for you now.

 

@Fred...without intention, you've brought back the worst memories of my life about which I can't bear to think; suffice it to only say this in the unlikely chance that a tid-bit can be learnt: my parents sued the government over SSD (I wasn't yet able). I remember it like it were yesterday: I was wheeled into a courtroom. I had a halo still screwed to my head, I had just had the third in a series of neurosurgical procedures on the neck because I was paralyzed on the left but a "possibility" existed. My right leg sort of worked with a locking brace ... in short, only my right arm worked... an ego busting position for a kid fresh out of the marine corps. There was all sorts of back and forth talk with lawyers, the judge etc but I couldn't see one of them because my head was screwed into position; I could only move my eyes. To make a long story short, a baby lawyer appointed by the new administration said something like this to the judge... "Your honor, there is no reason why this young man must be made a burden to the taxpayers. Even with the use of his one arm, there is no reason why he couldn't work jobs like, oh, collecting tickets for amusement park rides". Worse than the accident, surgery or anything else to follow, the pain of that one moment is one that still haunts me twenty five years later. If I'd had a weapon on my lap, I'd have blown my brains out on the spot and came too close for comfort a number or times in the months that followed. To this day, I hope that young Reagan snot befell a fate identical to mine or worse. Sadly vindictive, I know, but true. So, if only in the worst imaginable of nightmares, I wish everyone could experience the humiliation of such a moment before allowing such total disregard to cause someone hurt beyond words.

"Remember, my brothers, that all the joys or dejections of your life will always be direcly preportioned to the good or evil which issues from within." "Confessions of St. Augustine of Hippo", 390 AD

Enough on that subject.

I won the SSD retroactively and the whole thing couldn't have lasted ten minutes but seemed a lifetime. If nothing else, the judge chewed out the lawyer for SSD something aweful. The SSD was retroactive which meant nothing because the lawyers took damned near every penny. To make matters worse, the govermnet, as you'll recall, may deign you SDS eligible (worthy?), but won't help one bit with your healthcare for two years. I guess they hope you'll die before that time. I won't even begin to tell you what three quater of a million dollars of health care costs can do to your family ... or to the one who brought about the their misery.

 

People with disabilities experience humiliation every time they
turn around. People that have not had such set backs in their lives
think we are all just whining. The actual truth is most of the
the disabled are more valiant than anyone could imagine.
It has been said that the good lord never gives you more than you
can handle. It has also been said handle it one day at a time. I
have seen the time when I had to handle it 5 minutes at a time just
to survive.
This world could use a good dose of compassion.

 

Sorry-accidentally hit button twice.

 

@Shardel ... you're absolutely right. You, FredBun, Ireland, Me, JVC (he doesn't come to safety valve), ddp and others have had our share of those difficulties. I'm not divulging confidences here by the way, all have public spoken of these things in one thread or another. There are quite a few of us here who, to one degree or another, can identify and empathize with the experiences we each share.

God, that's sure true!! When I had a halo, or just a wheelchair or brace, there was something "obviously" wrong. Thanks to God, Fate or the wiccan spirit of mother nature, I have really good use of both legs and walk with just a wobble and my left arm is perfectly functional though it will always be weak. When pain and disabilities went from the obvious to not obvious came a different perception from people who haven't know you since the start. I found out quickly that they do indeed think you're "just whining". With the exception of one rather nasty scare going up the back of my neck and head, nothing shows unless I don't have a shirt on because then I'm a serious mess and I've got large pieces of my hips missing on both sides because of all the bone grafts so its something a "Frankensteinish" sight LOL! I don't talk about pain or anything at work for that very "whining" reason but there are somethings that are always there. There are certain "job responsibilities" which I simply can't do which others are required to and, as I'm sure you've experienced yourself .. as I'm sure most of us have, you hear or perhaps "sense" the whispers. I've gotten pretty immune to what some dumba$$ thinks, but it would be a lie to say that it never bothers me.

Well, boys and girls and, speaking of whining, we've had a 35 degree drop in temperature today and the neck is complaining something aweful so tonite it's the potent stuff and beddy-bye LOL! Sleep well, all!

 

what ever became of ireland cuz he did say that he was leaving the forum

thats a quote from here
http://forums.afterdawn.com/thread_view.cfm/90/295688

 

The little person's head is for sending personal messages (PMs) to the person the little head is over. The text and pen is for changing your post and you're only allowed to change your own. It might be fun to put words into some people's mouth, but it wouldn't be nice. LOL

 

EDITddp
sorry i didn't think it was a sensitive nerve