Where Did All The Old Timers Go, A Public Meeting Place For Open Discussion

gerry1 · Apr 17, 2007

@Ireland ... LMAO! I only just read your nun joke! Ah Nuns! Such fond memories of child abuse that brings back lol! Soeur Juliette-Marie was my favorite (3rd grade). I didn't know the roman numeral for 86 so she grabbed me by the neck, repeatedly banged my head into the desk and injured the glands (or whatever)in my neck and I landed in the hospital. Afterwards, I was so afraid to go to school that I would mix these concoctions to make myself puke and my parents would keep me home ... until they caught me and forced me to rat out the nun. She was out of there really quickly! In the first grade I was slapped for writing my name instead of printing it...writing it was for the second grade! Such nostalgia!

Good afternoon all!

LOCOENG · Apr 17, 2007

afternoon

ireland · Apr 18, 2007

good morning..
up a little early today
for a walk to the old out house,
and put a pot of coffee on..

ChrisC586 · Apr 18, 2007

Hello one and all good to see everyone again after a month and a half of moving and working to many hours.Sorry to see the events of the last couple of days, and glad to see it sorted except for the one misguided soul Cincyrob { Reds Huh ! }I got three days off and 2#'s of coffee to catch up on . Have missed you all. Chris

garmoon · Apr 18, 2007

afternoon all, georgeous La. day-70s windy dry. Not too many of these in the near future. Soon the afternoon monsoons will come and it'll be 85 (humidity)every day and the temp will be 92.

Nephilim · Apr 18, 2007

I don't know how the heck you can deal with that high humidity. I can take 118F here in Arizona no problem because it's drier than a popcorn fart here but years back I spent a week in Nebraska and the humidity there made me flat out miserable!

gerry1 · Apr 18, 2007

Good afteroon Ireland, Garmoon, Neph et al: I got up at two in the afternoon today ... I've got some sort of bug and spent the entire night engaged in certain digusting activities about which I'll spare you the details. I feel fine now but have no idea how I'll manage to sleep tonight having slept all day. I hope everyone is well!

garmoon · Apr 18, 2007

@Neph

It's a wet heat! LMAO

You do get used to it, but hate it none the less. It wasn't until 9th grade did we get AC in our house in 1960. We had fans and attic fans we didn't know better. Dry 110 deg heat has no affect on me. But the bad thing is most people who live in a desert climate end up with tanned leather faces.

cincyrob · Apr 18, 2007

ChrisC586 said:

Hello one and all good to see everyone again after a month and a half of moving and working to many hours.Sorry to see the events of the last couple of days, and glad to see it sorted except for the one misguided soul Cincyrob { Reds Huh ! }I got three days off and 2#'s of coffee to catch up on . Have missed you all. Chris
Click to expand...

come on chris has texas ever one more than 50 games????lmao

weclome back buddy was wondering where ya been off to??

goodevening everyone.

ChrisC586 · Apr 18, 2007

Hey cincyrob I've been gone so long you forgot I"s from Michigan the lowly Tigers that shocked the world & me too!Praying that the weathermans right we'll see 50 degree weather tomorrow. Chris

gerry1 · Apr 19, 2007

GOOD MORNING ALL! I'm at work and its going to be a day from hell and I'm really tired from twenty four hours of Montezuma's Revenge. I'll spare you any further details LOL!

ChrisC586 · Apr 19, 2007

Good morning all It's starting out as a nice day,got the first coat of wax on the car and now if work doesn't call and no bills in the mail it'll be a great day.Hope everyones well. Chris

cincyrob · Apr 19, 2007

@ChrisC

so sorry i was actually thinking of another Chris thats from texas that i havent seen in a while. or it that other goofball i know from texas...lol

anyway heres MY SIGN....."stupid"

yea i did forget i had to MICHIGAN???????? thats all i got to say about that...lol

good morning/afternoon, where ever you may be in this wonderful world of ours

ChrisC586 · Apr 19, 2007

Hey cincyrob wouldn't call a good friend stupid all that burning and scanning and watching them Reds would get anybody confused. It is finally turning out to be a nice day. Peace everyone. Chris

ireland · Apr 19, 2007

good morning

HELL

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, 'That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then 2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic."
Click to expand...

This student got the only A.

gerry1 · Apr 19, 2007

Awesome! A student after my own heart!

ireland · Apr 19, 2007

TO EACH HIS OWN

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked in on the street between their establishments.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.

The rabbi considered this a moment, then said, "Oh," and ran back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, ran to the back of the car and cut off the last two inches of the tailpipe.
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GREATEST SINS

Three nuns on a train had been getting to know one another and decided to tell each other what their greatest sins were. The first nun says, "My greatest sin is sex. Every year I go out for a week and work as a prostitute. Of course, I put all the money I earn into the poor box."

The second nun says, "My greatest sin is drinking. Every year I take the money from the poor box and go out drinking for a solid week."

The third just sits there quietly. So the first nun says to her, "Come on, we've told you our worst sins. Now you have to tell us yours."

The third nun says, "My greatest sin is that I'm a gossip, and I can't wait to get off this train.
Click to expand...

OLD-TIMERS' RELIGION

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on "The Ten Commandments."

After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his hand vigorously, and told him, "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."

The preacher says, "You mean the commandment "Thou shall not steal" changed your mind?

"No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that, I remembered where I left my old hat!"

Click to expand...

RELIGIOUS BRAS

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There is more than one type?"

"Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed him a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material. Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what were the types.

The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."
Click to expand...

gerry1 · Apr 19, 2007

He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, ran to the back of the car and cut off the last two inches of the tailpipe.
Click to expand...

I must be dense, it took a few moments for that to click LOL!

little155 · Apr 19, 2007

Gerry, I had a chuckle on that one, when I finally figured it out. HeHeHe

saugmon · Apr 19, 2007

Late Afternoon all!!

Ireland, that's some funny stuff.

Any of you oldtimers relate to this?

=====================================================

See what 50 years will do:

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.

1957 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.

2007 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.

2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Jason won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1957 - Jason sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.

2007 - Jason given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jason has a disability.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.

1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.

1957 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.

2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed

1957 - Ants die.

2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.

1957 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison

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