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Your Computer has Performed an Illegal Operation!!!

Discussion in 'Safety valve' started by hayden58, Feb 23, 2007.

  1. hayden58

    hayden58 Regular member

    Jan 1, 2007
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    100% true stories.

    my cousin used to work for Dell Customer service....this middle aged woman calls up all worked up, half crying, about to have a panic attack, oh no oh no...."my computer has performed an illegal operation!, are the police coming? i swear i didnt mean to,am i going to jail? this is terrible, what do i do? im so scared" "it says press any key to continue.....i just dont know what to do, and i cant fidn the any key, WHERES THE ANY KEY!!!?!?!?"

    2nd story, young african american "thug type" calls in "yo man, i just got my computer last week, and already i broke the drink holder off, i need a new one" what do you mean the drink holder? "you know the thing on the front, you press the button, and the drink holder slides out" you mean the CD tray? "CD tray? for what? i thought it was a drink holder."

    these are both 100% true....lol.
  2. gerry1

    gerry1 Guest

    LOL! Those are pretty good! But I confess I wasn't much smarter: I first came to aD after spending three days trying to erase a DVD that wan't rewritable....DUH! ...well, it said RW on it!

    Edit: forgot to mention that I returned a perfectly good HP computer because it couldn't do the impossible LOL!
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 23, 2007
  3. ireland

    ireland Active member

    Nov 28, 2002
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    Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"

    Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she down loaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

    A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."

    The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

    Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."

    Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."

    Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."

    Customer: "What do you mean?"

    Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

    Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

    Overheard in a computer shop:

    Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."

    Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."

    Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

    Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"

    Tech Support: "Yeah."

    Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"

    Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

    Customer: "My computer crashed!"

    Tech Support: "It crashed?"

    Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."

    Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."

    Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed."

    Tech Support: "Huh?"

    Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."

    Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"

    Customer: (pause) "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

    An IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in ...." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

    A customer had followed the instructions for installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from its cover and insert it into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems. Say no more.

    Caller : "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

    Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

    Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

    Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

    Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

    Tech :"Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as a part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

    Caller : "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has "4X" on it."

    At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off in the drive.

    A customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

    An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

    A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it " couldn't find printer". The user had even tried turning the computer screen to face the printer - but his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

    A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

    A Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water soaked the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

    A Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

    A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech "hold on", and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

    An AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

    A Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old (5-1/4") diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
  4. ireland

    ireland Active member

    Nov 28, 2002
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    * "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

    * "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

    * "So -- what are you wearing?"

    * "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

    * "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."

    * "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

    * "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

    * "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

    * "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

    * "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

    * "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."
  5. dazila

    dazila Regular member

    Jun 20, 2006
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    They are very funny seriously.
    I have never had anything like that happend to me I have done stupid things whihc make you look like a dick head after some not to do with computers.
    -I threw 6 ps2 controlers at the Wall because I couoldnt do Some game.
    -About 11 Years Ago I got a Discman and the disc was scratched n woudltn okay it so I take the disc out I see the White Circle thing "Laser" and the outsude was black so I thought the Reason was that the Laser was meant to be the same colour so I took a Gel Pen and coloured it in and noticed it didnt work so I got a Permanenet Marker and Coloured it in and It never worked again....I wondered why for about 3 years......
    -Lap 45/57 in a Go-Kart Race 4 Years ago 2003 and it was the last race the decider I was winning by 1 pts. so I get a call over the radio pit at the end of this lap I said my tyres are still not worn maybe the next lap I will come in so my car started to shake around turns due to fuel running to one side exactly where the pit entrance is my car stalled and there it went a whole season what makes things worse I was Leading by -11.962 sec and I was ashamed + This has been written down in my profile sent to Audi.
  6. gerry1

    gerry1 Guest

    LMAO!! These are great ... I particularly liked the photocopies of the diskette and Dazila's permanent marker...glad I'm not the only one who does such things!

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